December 9th- School at Christmas

School can be very busy at this time of year so here are some top tips and resources  for reducing anxiety and stress and keep your kids calm in school

Exploring the Christmas Story through sound

Literacy Activities for Christmas

Relaxation techniques for kids in school

Sensory Strategies for School - (Alert programme)

Workstation Visuals

Create a daily timetable of events and try to avoid changes wherever possible. Anxiety will be ramping throughout December so remember to clarify and explain everything.

Keep decorations where the child works to a minimum, and provide distraction free work-zones.

Have a pre - planned set of activities your child can do during all the rehearsals that they can just get on with independently, maybe related to their special interest somehow.

Consider they may not cope with the carols concerts and plays.. Maybe they could do a more behind the scenes job, and that's OK.

Consider allowing them to stay at home if there is something they really wont cope with such as parties . Or create a safe quiet place in the building that is Christmas free for them to escape to. 

Children's language processing ability decreases when things are hectic and busy so back up your language with visual support at all times.

Non uniform days can lead to stress so let children come in wearing their uniform with no fuss.

Make sure all changes to the timetable are discussed and shared with home, preferably written down, as children can fret about things at home and often parents don’t know what to say to help if they don’t have all the info to hand.

Timetable in periods for relaxation, exercise , and sensory breaks throughout the day.

Use social stories to help children access activities they may find a challenge such as Christmas lunch, parties,  rehearsals etc.

Allow them to eat their own food at the school party.

Have a transition debrief time before hometime if possible. Or a period where they an chill before going home. 

Pace the daily activities so children don't get overloaded. It will be taking a huge effort for children on the spectrum to maintain the busy pace of school in December so this needs to be taken into consideration when planning the day. 

Maintain as much normality as possible as the chaos ensues around you …and give yourself a big pat on the back when its all over … well done for surviving it all I say.

December 5th- Parties/ School Events

Consider which activities at school are appropriate or not, and if necessary find alternative activities.

Use a daily calendar at school explaining all the changes to the timetable to reduce anxiety.

Allow for some flexibility as things change, provide a busy box for these times

Use ear defenders/visuals where needed for parties to help your child access the activities, and don’t force them to participate if they feel uncomfortable let them set the pace.

Write down what will be expected at parties e.g.- how to play pass the parcel/ timings of activities/ who will be there/ rules of games etc.

Consider keeping things at school as calm as possible. Maybe an area with no decorations would help.

Don’t feel like you have to stay at parties the whole time, its OK to make your excuses and leave if needs be.

Sometimes giving a child a camera can help them if they are taking the photos instead of having to join in, or a kit bag with sensory toys in can also help so you're prepared  for any possibility.

Let them take and eat their own food to reduce the pressure.

Don’t force children to participate in concerts/ productions  if they are becoming distressed, its a huge ask at this time of year just to get through the day . Consider other jobs they could do like the lighting/ brochures/ music/ IT etc. … more behind the scenes but still very much an important part of the process.

Transitions in school and autism

It's that time of year when our children begin to think about moving to their new classrooms or new schools. This can be a really anxious time for children on the spectrum (and for us as parents too to be honest) as there is so much uncertainty, and change that they have to cope with .As well as all the mixed emotions they could be feeling about leaving teachers behind that they have learnt to trust over the years.

So our job as parents and teachers is to reduce this anxiety as much as we can, and we can do this by removing as many unknown elements as possible.

So here are my top tips for home and school in helping children during this difficult period of transition.

1. Preparation is key. Write down all key dates for visits well in advance and ensure your child knows exactly what will be happening. It is worth noting that it can be a fine line between telling children what's happening too early and not early enough. I know if I tell my son some things too far in advance he won’t sleep for weeks, but one week ahead for him is about right. As each child is different this may need to be tailored to each individual child you support so home/ school liaison on this is essential. 

2. Take it at the child's own pace. Don't rush them. Some children may respond better to lots of small visits to their new classroom/ school, rather that jumping straight into a full afternoons visit. It could be that you meet the new teacher in a familiar space, then visit the gate, then the door, then the hallway etc. and build it up slowly.

3. Don't underestimate the help visual support can offer. Take photos of everything - the staff, the room, the entrance, the toilets, and the cloakroom etc. and put them all together in a booklet that your child can look at over the summer. Also ensure the child's familiar visuals and resources are in their new classroom every time they visit.

4. Visit new settings when it’s quiet. It may be too much for your child to visit the new setting with all the class. So an initial visit when the room is empty can help them get used to the new environment with less chance of sensory overload.

5. Create a moving on booklet that your child can work through in advance. Include things like; all about me/ my strengths and talents/ things I find hard/ how I communicate/ how to help me/ how I learn and ensure it is shared with all staff. 

6. Don't assume they aren't anxious just because they don't tell you so. Many children on the spectrum find it difficult to express their emotions. So working through all the usual things that children worry about particularly for older children could help them express their concerns; making friends/ how they will get around school/  homework/ getting lost/ bullying etc.

7. Staff handover is essential. I know it’s easier said than done but spending time with the staff that have worked with the child, meeting the parents, reading through their pupil profiles, and observing them in a comfortable environment is so important. Not only will it give you the opportunity to get to get to know how they learn, but the staff will know all the subtle signs to look out for. Like how they chew their sleeve when they are anxious, or how they need to be at the back of the line as they don't like people bumping into them. All this is really useful to know as they settle into your new class.

8. Good communication with home is vital more than ever at this time. Although school may not be seeing signs of anxiety, it is quite likely that home will. So make sure things are written down as children can forget verbal instructions once at home and could miss key events which leads to added stress at home. Also be aware that school refusal can increase at times of uncertainty and stress. So good communication and links with home to see how things are going are essential. It may be that the child needs a bit more down time at school, or more access to sensory activities. They could be struggling with the change in routines that this time of year often brings but may masking their anxiety. All these things need to be considered in the last few weeks of the school year for pupils on the spectrum.

9. Prompt cards can be useful. These can address specific anxieties that each child may have and can help them know what to do. For example -

If I arrive late                                             

It will be OK                                  

No one will be cross                                    

I go to class as normal                                       I can explain to my teacher

I will then sit down                                       

(Just having these written reminders can help reduce anxiety for children on the autism spectrum.)

10. At home things that can help are; practising the new journey to school/ looking at and trying on the new uniform and removing any labels or wearing shoes in / using a calendar at home can help children organise their 'mental countdown’ for the back to school start date in September/ and finding out who your new Senco or school contact will be.

Here are some links to great resources that you may find useful ...

NAS Guide to transition

Autism Trust Transition toolkit

Supporting transitions Bradford.gov

Leeds autism transitions booklet secondary schools

And here is useful checklist for Primary to secondary schools

Transition from Primary to Secondary

A checklist for students currently in Year 6

Current Primary School

To be completed in consultation with receiving secondary school	Who responsible?	By when?	ü
As soon as secondary school is known liaise with Primary SENCo to list key dates for visits/ meetings etc.
Arrange extra visits to receiving school which have a specific purpose which is clear to the student and what they need e.g. visits may take place at different times of the day, favourite subjects/ registration/ lunch/ breaks/ different days. Give consideration to who the child visits with e.g. TA , parent, friend from the primary setting. Be aware: starting visits too early can cause anxiety to some students.
Identify key adults/ workers in the receiving school and arrange for the student to meet these adults when they visit.
Relevant staff from receiving school to visit present school.
Detailed information relating to individual child’s strengths and difficulties for the receiving school.  Alongside assessment data discuss transition with the student help them prepare for change by making a personal passport e.g. in the form of a booklet or PowerPoint presentation etc in which they write about themselves and which can be given to the receiving school. Involve parents in this process and encourage them to support their child in making and keeping this record. Areas might include: Likes and areas of strength Dislikes and areas of difficulty Strategies proven to support student Agree on how information can be shared with all staff who come into contact with the student.
Complete and record activities related to changing schools which they can keep and refer to over the Summer holiday.  Involve parents in this process and encourage them to support their child in making and keeping this record. Areas might include: Providing details of the school e.g. plan of the school site, sample timetable. Providing a list of teacher names, matched to photos and room numbers. The student taking digital photos of key areas such as dining hall, toilets, form room etc and key people form teacher, key worker etc.
If pupil is aware of diagnosis consult them about their needs and wishes for peer awareness.
Consult the pupil about any worries or concerns they may have regarding moving on.
Consult parents and plan for and practise travel arrangements e.g. walking, bus, taxi.
Provide a list of extra curricular activities including access to homework club.

Transition from Primary to Secondary

A checklist for students currently in Year 6

Receiving Secondary School

To be completed in consultation with current  primary school	Who responsible?	By when?	ü
As soon as secondary school is known liaise with Primary SENCo to list key dates for visits/ meetings etc.
Arrange extra visits to receiving school which have a specific purpose which is clear to the student and what they need e.g. visits may take place at different times of the day, favourite subjects/ registration/ lunch/ breaks/ different days. Give consideration to who the child visits with e.g. TA, parent, friend from the primary setting. Be aware: starting visits too early can cause anxiety to some students.
Identify key adults/ workers in the receiving school and arrange for the student to meet these adults when they visit.
Give student details of the school e.g. plan of the school site, sample timetable.
Provide a list of teacher names, matched to photos and room numbers.
Relevant staff from receiving school to visit present school.
Detailed information relating to individual child’s strengths and difficulties for the receiving school. Agreement on how information can be shared with all staff who come into contact with the student.
As part of personal passport take digital photos of key areas such as dining hall, toilets, form room etc and key people such as form teacher, key worker etc. which they can keep and refer to over the Summer holiday.
Consult the pupil about their needs and wishes for peer awareness.
Consult the pupil about any worries or concerns they may have.
Consult parents and plan for and practise travel arrangements e.g. walking, bus, taxi.
Provide a list of extra curricular activities including access to homework club.
Extra adult support on a temporary basis to cover lunch and break times.
‘Bolt hole’ (quiet area) identified for use as appropriate.
Identify staff training needs
Meet with parents before the transfer to secondary in the Summer Term to discuss all the above points and clarify the timetable for transition.
Meet with parents and key staff in Autumn Term of Year 7 to discuss how the move has taken place.  Establish close liaison and clear methods of communication between home and school.

(Author unknown)

How we can help with Back to School anxiety

The first day back to school after a break can be a real cause of heightened anxiety for many children, including not only my son who has autism but also for his two sisters - who just worry a lot.

You know the feeling, you have had a lovely few weeks off work and the day of return is steaming at you like a train – you can’t escape it or ignore it because it’s going to happen. And no matter how much you actually may like work you still worry about it. But we can think ahead and realise that no matter how much we worry, after a couple of hours back in the saddle it will feel like we have never been away.

But for our kids this kind of reasoning is very hard to do, especially if you have autism and your brain processes things differently.

You see our kid’s nervous systems are on constant overdrive to process all the sensory information that bombards them on a daily basis, and schools are often places where they have to work even harder to keep themselves regulated.  The pace of learning, the noises, the constant social interactions, following unwritten rules, fast language, and busy rooms can all increase their anxiety levels.

For many children on the autism spectrum this high level of anxiety is something they learn to live with every-day, but it can make them feel really confused, vulnerable and exhausted. These feelings can become overwhelming for many kids, and can ultimately lead to huge school related anxiety and in some cases, like with my son, school refusal.  

So I know from experience that there will be many families out there today, with the end of the school holidays fast approaching, that feel like they are treading on egg shells at home because their children are on the edge. They are so anxious about returning to school that the slightest thing sets them off - a wrong word or a brush past them on the stairs and they are in full meltdown mode from what appears to be like out of nowhere!

Jekyll and Hyde I used to call my son.

But really it’s not out of nowhere if we think about it - it’s just we can’t see what’s going on inside their little minds, and often they can’t tell us.

Inside they are literally bubbling with stress chemicals so they are on the edge and only the slightest little push sends them to lash out or want to run a way and escape to the safety their bedrooms.

So what can we do to help our kids, and how can we best get through the days leading up to the return to school when our children have such high anxiety?

Here are some ideas you may like to try -

          (Many of these ideas will be relevant  for school to use too when a pupil is very anxious)

·       Reduce demands – Wherever possible don’t get into direct confrontation, give your child choices as when children become really anxious they can become oppositional at even the smallest of tasks.

·       Keep language slow, calm and positive.

·       Let them spend some of the day doing their favourite activity if it helps keep them calm, some children may need to 'stim' more to self-regulate, while some may want to retreat and limit interaction – respect this and don’t force things too much when your child is like this. When they are doing something they like it releases the feel good chemical which helps relax their central nervous system.

·       Relaxation can work for many children – calming music, dimming the light, a hand massage, aromatherapy etc. can have a really calming effect on anxious children.

·       Being outside in nature helps my son – walking the dogs/ climbing a tree/ a walk  could all help.

·       Make sure the day is structured even if it’s a day in the house  - break it up into chunks using a visual timetable.

·       Ensure you have the relevant information from school about what is happening that first day back – it may mean contacting the teacher to get the information beforehand if necessary if they don’t volunteer the information without a little nudge.

·       Use this information to map out their first day back in school, as when your child is anxious any uncertainty will increase their panic. Write down what they will be doing – use visuals if that helps, all this will drastically reduce your child’s anxiety. Of course you NEED this information from school in order to do this, and its vital schools help you by recognising the importance of giving home the relevant information beforehand.

·      Keep your day low key and warn family that the day before school starts probably isn’t the best day to do an unannounced visit – as much as your child loves them he may just not be in the right frame of mind to deal with a house full when he is feeling so delicate.

·      For some children it can help them label their feelings using a scale. http://www.autismempowerment.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Incredible-5-Point-Scale-Fact-Sheet-rev.pdf

·       Keep any directions or instructions really simple and concrete using visuals to reinforce your language.

·       Heavy muscle work can help calm children – so riding a bike, jumping on the trampoline or sofa/ swimming/ swinging etc..

·       Have lots of sensory activities at the ready such as fiddle toys/ lights / messy play/ weighted blanket for your child to use whenever they want throughout day.

·       A transition activity ready at school for your child that they are happy and prepared for can help some children settle better at the beginning of the day. It could be that they sharpen the pencils every day when they arrive, or that they arrive 5 minutes early and don’t have to queue in the playground with everyone else. School should be open to any ideas that can help the transition from home and school become easier for our children.

·        It’s also vital that you have time to pass on any info they may need to know like poor sleep etc. (this could be written in a home school book). If your child knows you are going to ensure you let the teacher know of anything that has been an issue for them it can help them feel calmer. My son often used to worry that this teacher wouldn’t know something, so just by me having that quick handover with his TA in the morning really put his mind at rest. It doesn’t have to mean you will spend 10 minutes each morning with the teacher as we all know that it’s not possible - but it is SO vital that the communication is open between home and school.

       AS WHAT HAPPENS AT HOME DIRECTLY IMPACTS WHAT HAPPENS AT SCHOOL, AND VISA VERSA.

·       And finally maybe have a motivating activity for them timetabled for their first day when they get back home - it could be a treat tea or favourite movie to look forward to when they get back for doing so well at controlling their anxiety.

                                        And most importantly please give yourself some time too.

It’s hard on everyone in the family when you have a child with high anxiety. Especially the one who is often on the receiving end of the meltdown. Just as your child needs to be given time to recharge once they have reached school and start their day, so do you!

I know from personal experience that when your child is so upset and anxious you feel every inch of the emotions with them - and it takes its toll. You too will have stress chemicals pumping through your body so don’t ignore it- look after yourself. Give your own body time to recover, even if it's just a walk around the block before you dash off to do the weekly shop.  

                                                Please -  because you are important too!

Dear Mums in the Playground

Dear Mums in the Playground,

You may not know me well but I was that mum that skulked past you all with my head hiding under my umbrella, or under my hood just to avoid having to talk to you for many years.

I was that mum that the class teacher always wanted to come and talk to at the end of the day, with a knowing look that something had happened that she needed to tell me about.

I was that mum whose child who stopped getting invited to parties.

I was that mum that never came to the PTA meetings or mums nights out, who wasn’t part of any mums ‘group’.

I was that mum who was often running late in the mornings, looking hassled and exhausted at drop off time so never had the time to say hello to you.

I was that mum who ‘let’ her child hit her whilst trying to get him in through the school door in the mornings kicking and screaming.

I was that mum who you would whisper about to each other that should discipline her child better.

That’s me. I was that mum.

The reason for my writing this today is to tell you what I should have said back then, in the playground, that I had grown tired of feeling like an outsider when I stood by myself day after day. I was tired of feeling your eyes watching me when the teacher came out to speak to me yet again, and that things got so tricky for my son that he had to leave.  

I felt alone because I was not one of you. I didn’t fit into your ‘group.’ But I really did want to be your friend. I wanted to meet for morning coffees and chat about where we were going on holiday that summer. But I couldn’t- and not for the reasons you may think.

You see I was that parent who the teacher always wanted to talk to. But not because my child was naughty as I imagined you were thinking. It was because he found mainstream school incredibly tough. And this lead to his behaviour being deemed as challenging by his teachers, because he couldn’t follow their instructions or fit in with the rest of the class.

And I can understand why my child never got invited to parties. It’s not that he didn’t want to attend your child’s party when we declined, it’s because he just found it all too overwhelming and would often get upset when he did go. So we stopped saying yes, and then the invites inevitably stopped coming.

And yes I never made it to PTA meetings. Not because I didn’t want to, but because usually I was busy filling in forms, attending meetings with someone in my sons team, at a  CAMHS appointment, or having to explain myself to yet another professional that was looking at my parenting as my son didn’t have a diagnosis at this point.

And I want to tell you that the reason I was always in a rush in the mornings was because my child had severe school related anxiety. Some mornings it could take me 30 minutes just to get him to put one sock on. He needed routines, and visuals, and social stories just for me to get him through the school gates. I had to drive the same way each day, and pray there would be no traffic as that made his anxiety worse. And when it was non-uniform day or cake sale day – well those days were even trickier for us to get to school, it wasn’t that we didn’t want to join in, it was just too much for him to cope with.

Thinking back to that time you saw my son so anxious and so upset that he felt the need to run away and kick the wall when the fire alarm was going off at drop off time. In that busy playground you all stood and watched us. I had to stop him from escaping, so he lashed out as a way of protecting himself. No one came to help us, no one came to see if I was OK. I was deeply upset that day because I worried what you all thought of us.

I felt isolated and alone. But I held it together until I had reached the sanctuary of my car and then found myself crying uncontrollably into the steering wheel.

We now know that my son has Autism.

For a long time I felt judged, judged by parents, judged by school, judged by professionals and I was that mum who walked with her head down. I was worn down and defencive as a result of all the stress. I became too tired to face anyone so it became easier to avoid you. To walk past you in the playground and hide behind my umbrella.

But I am now several years down the line and no longer have to do the school playground thing as my son attends a school that best meets his individual needs, which means going to a school in a different area -so he gets a taxi there and back.

That’s why I left so abruptly last year with no explanation or goodbye. He needed to leave as his anxiety had consumed him. And I couldn’t face telling any of you.

I know any judgements you made; if you made any at all, were all due to the fact that you didn’t understand. I mean how could you if I kept my head down each day and didn’t attempt to let any of you into my world. I never gave you the chance.

I did want to -  believe me I did, I just didn’t have the energy as I was fighting for my son on so many different fronts at the time I was barely keeping my head above the water. And for that I am sorry.

And now- well now I have found my ‘group’. I may not have felt like I fitted in on the playground but I have found a whole world of on-line support out there of fellow special needs mums. With them I don’t have to explain why my son my son finds school so hard because they live it each day like me. So it’s natural and comfortable with them- but if I’m honest sometimes going out of our comfort zone does us good every now and again. 

You see I was guilty as anyone all those years in the playground- because I judged you. Those mums will never understand, or they’re watching me again I would tell myself, so I kept my distance and that was wrong of me. I assumed you were judging me, but I never really took the time to find out.

No mum should ever walk with her head down, because were all doing the same job. It’s tough and we all want what’s best for our kids, special needs or not.

And we special needs mums have just as much to offer as a friend, and as a member of the school community as anyone else, we just have to make adaptions that all.

So if you recognise some of yourself in my story- be strong, be brave and be honest, don’t be like me by and leave it until it’s too late. Take those brave strides across the concrete and hopscotch and talk to teach other. You may be surprised what lies behind the façade as there is always more than meets the eye.  

And who knows what kind of friendship can blossom from huddling together under the shelter of a shared umbrella on a soggy wet afternoon in January- You won’t know, unless you try!

This blog was written as a Guest Blog on Kathy Brodie Early Years Training and Coaching, follow the link below to visit her Website-

http://www.kathybrodie.com/guest-post/dear-mums/