Thanks to the wonderful world of discount vouchers, we have
just spent a cheeky night away from the kids in a slightly dated, but lovely,
and most importantly clean hotel! We weren’t even away for 24 hours, and we
were and only about 10 miles away from home, but it felt like we were a million
miles away from reality for just a few precious hours.
It kinda got me thinking about how important it is to just
try and switch off from it all once in a while. But truth is when you have a kid with Autism
you don’t ever really switch off. Well I
know I can’t.....I don’t know if that’s how others mums feel, but I imagine it’s
something we all struggle with. I suppose
it’s a mum thing in general really, we always worry about our kids whether they
have a disability or not. “It’s just what
mums do,” my mum always tells me...even now! (Mind you I probably do give my
mum more to worry about than most, with my tendency in needing to visit the A&E
department on a regular basis; you know with me being related to Mr Bump!)
However there is something about having a kid with Autism that
has turned me into this protective and slightly paranoid lioness. Even when I
am not with him I never really stop worrying about him. I suppose as he gets
older and more independent it will get easier?? I honestly don’t know, and I will
cross that bridge when I come to it. I tend to live in the here and now and not
think too far ahead to be honest.
When I sat and
thought about it last night, whilst childfree sipping Pimms, I am always on
standby. Always ready to deal with the next crisis, and whatever issue is gonna
pop up next. Always ready to be the referee, nurse, punch bag, cook, carer,
wife, sister, friend, mother, teacher,
taxi, daughter, neighbour, cleaner, now blogger ha ha .. I mean blimey, the
list is endless. It’s what we all do isn’t it?... Us mums, we wear many hats!
But being a mum and a full time carer is pretty tough I have to
say. It’s exhausting on a whole other
level. And it’s really easy to lose yourself amongst all crap and isolation. I
am a 30 something year old woman who has given up everything to care for her kid. I had
to put my life on hold to make sure my son didn’t seriously hurt himself, cos he
was getting so stressed at school. It was
a no brainer really, he is my son, and I would do the same for any of my kids. And I don’t
resent him in the slightest for what I had to do.... it was completely my
choice. But deep down I know there was something nice about having a job,
making a difference, and being with friends at work every day. I do
miss that. In a way that was a kind of
respite for me. It took my mind elsewhere and I was me ... just me.
You see us mums just get on with what we have to deal with don't we,
and currently this is my life. And its pushed me to start my blog, which is helping me
discover that.... I am not alone in finding things tough. I am not alone
in feeling alone at times. I am not alone in not always knowing what to do for the best, and I am certainly not alone in struggling
through the minefield of services and crap that comes hand in hand with having
a kid with a disability. And most importantly ...I need to look after myself better
in order to survive.
Having that little break away last night took me by surprise
at how ready I was for it. It made me see how important it is to spend time as
a couple. I mean let’s be honest that’s
so low down in the day to day priorities with the kids, that being together as a
couple gets neglected far too often. It was nice just to sit and talk, not be
rushing around, to actually be able to go in a shop!! To have a long soak in the bath, without someone
banging on the door shouting.... muum!! To get a little tipsy just cos we can, and go to
a nice cafe that we would never dare go to with the kids. And I didnt realise until
I was away from it all, how much I need to just be me sometimes.
In order to care for
my son and wear all those hats, I know I need to look after the person wearing
them. So my advice to you reading this is grab the chance to do whatever you
can that makes you feel like you. If you’re
lucky like me, take up your families’ offer of help or babysitting whenever you can. Or if like my hubby getting out on your bike
is what you need.... then do it. If reading, baking, gardening, going to church, working part time or having a night out with your mates
enjoying a glass or two makes you feel like you.....Then do it!
I am determined not
going to lose sight of me again. .....
So I am 36 years old
I have brown hair and
wear glasses, and I love reading books
I have three wonderful kids, and a lovely hubby
And my name is Michelle,
that’s me!
Nice to meet you xx
