Just another New Years Blog

Just...

Such an insignificant little word. One that we never really think about because we just take it for granted. It’s just there in our word bank to pull out whenever we just happen to feel like it. But we don’t even realise we need it so much.

I am just a mum. A busy mum to three wonderful kids. I am just a housewife and a full time carer to my 11 year old son who has Autism. I am just trying my best to get through each day.

But I just reckon it’s such an undervalued word that really doesn’t know its worth. I know this to be true as it’s a word I use all day as I go about my jobs, without even giving it a second thought.

“I’ll just pop the kettle on” I shout upstairs as I am trying to rouse the sleepy heads from their beds every morning. “I’ve just got time to pile a quick wash load in before I do the school run” I think to myself whilst shoving the mountain of the laundry fiercely into our battered old machine “I had just about enough sleep last night to get me through the day” I tell myself as I am scraping my hair into ponytail whilst dashing out of the door clutching the car keys, school bags and trumpet just about still under my arms.

“We should just  make it on time if we hit no traffic” I tell my daughter as she scoffs her cereal bar in her mouth whilst fiddling with the radio stations to find her favourite song on the way to school. And then my day really begins as I just have to dash to the shops, hoover the house, walk the dogs, order the meds, clean the bathroom, make the beds, email school, phone’s Camhs and write a social story for swimming after school. And I then I might just about have time to eat, gulp some cold coffee whilst opening the mail, if I’m lucky.

Before I then wash the pots, polish the table, empty the bins, fill out the DLA forms, iron the shirts and all this whilst trying to catch my sons therapist in her office at some point on the phone today- I’ll just have to keep trying on redial ‘til I catch her.

Then its just about time to head off to do the school pick up and hope there’s no delay so I can get back for my son arriving home in his taxi, who will be ready to just run through the door and have his snack there waiting for him as he does everyday.

And so this just continues day after day after day after day. I just plod on.

You see really I am just like the word just. I am always there. Always holding things together. I just get on with things despite how tired I am or how much I have to do.

But I am not ashamed to say I am more than just a mum. A Mum who’s always there to love and nurture, yes that’s a huge part of what makes me – well me. But I am so much more.

I am Michelle. I am not just a tired thirty something mum with grey hair wearing comfy knickers. I am funny and loyal, and by the way I make a mean chicken curry!  I have depression and yet maintain a deep faith in life and love. I hold my friends and family so dearly that I would do anything to protect them from harm. I enjoy baking and reading and history- and so much more! (I secretly wish I lived in the 40’s and drank from a china tea cup, whilst wearing floral kitten heels and a spotty head scarf too if truth be told.)

However I think I may have fallen into the trap of having so many just moments throughout the day that I take myself for granted now too. I need to reclaim my fabulous justness back!

So as we face this New Year I will try to have just one selfish moment all to myself each day- just for me and no one else!

I will just have half an hour reading a magazine. Or I will just try and drink my coffee hot today. Or “I am just going upstairs for a bubble bath children, the TV is on in the lounge.” Or even better still- we need a few hours together could you just sit for a bit for us darling sister of mine?

This New Year is the time to just say enough is enough, I am more than just a mum, I am more than just a middle aged woman wearing slippers and drinking tea from a chipped Whispa mug from Easter 2002.  And in order to be all those things for everyone else I first need to just to look after me every now and again, even if it’s just for 10 minutes every day. It doesn’t mean I love my kids any less, it just means I love me too.

So let’s stop neglecting that insignificant little word and just care for it- let’s care for ourselves and realise that we are so much more than just our jobs, whatever that may be.  I am gonna start by pulling out my nan's old fine bone china tea set, putting on a bit of lippy and some killer heels  ( well I can sit in them at least ) and just for 10 minutes each morning watch a bit of Philip Schofield on the tele sipping my tea in style!

Now who’s with me- one lump or two?

                                                                    Mrs M x

https://www.familyfund.org.uk/blog/just-another-new-years-blog

My New Years letter to you......Yes you sat reading this

To my lovely friends and family,

So here we are folks. The last day of 2015. It's a time when we are meant to reflect on the last 12 months of our lives and look forward to whatever the future has in store for us.

I have to say that I am honestly pretty relieved to see the back of this last year. There have been many moments of absolute despair and I have  felt so alone and confused at times. But on the flip side to this I then I found you lovely lot out there in the world of social media.

I had plucked up the courage to share my story and I realised I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t alone in feeling overwhelmed and isolated. I discovered that up and down the country there were so many mums just like me who muddled through each day, and collapsed into bed relieved to have simply got through the day in one piece.

And for that reason alone I can't tell you how happy I am that I started writing. I have made some wonderful new friends and I have been truly humbled each time one of you lets me into your lives and shares your own story with me.

So 2015 has been a year of ups and downs alright- I had a depressive episode and shared it warts and all with you! My little man started his new school and I shared our first day anxiety with you all, and you were there with us every step of the way. Then there was our crazy family holiday in which I lost the plot and had my own mummy meltdown, but again you were there for me to keep me going.

There have been many highlights this last year too- being published in magazines and newspapers, Yahoo picking up my work and then my blog going viral. And starting to write a book to name but a few. But over and above all of that- what’s been the highlight for me is when someone who reads my stuff takes the time to contact me to say what I have written has helped them, or made them cry. Or my words have them realise why they have felt so out of sync with the world their whole life... well that just floors me. 

I can't get my head around that and it honestly makes everything I do, all the hours I spend, 100% worthwhile.

Your support and friendship means more to me than you will ever know. And that is why I will continue to share our story in 2016.

I have discovered these last few months what a politically hot world the Autism community is. And I have found myself staying away from the politics of it all as my feeling is that it reflects our attention away from what’s really important- us,our kids, our families and a need for true openness and acceptance. I can’t be afraid of what I write because people can see straight through the bull. And it's just not my style. 

So if you want politics I’m just not the writer for you.

I will continue to write about my love for my son, our journey with Autism and how I get through the day. Sometimes its pretty and sometimes it's not. I can't and won't shy away from that as I need to be honest. Life is tough sometimes and mums should never feel ashamed for saying that. It doesn’t mean we love our kids any less or want to change them.

Parenthood is one of the hardest things we ever face, period. 

Its not wrong to say we need help on occasions.It's not wrong to share our joy, our ups and downs and our moments of despair because we are human.

I have always written straight from my heart and always with my sons privacy at the forefront of my mind. I try not to offend anyone and so far I seem to have avoided any controversy. But if I worried too much about what I write I honestly think it it would change the way I share my story, and I don’t want that, as I have finally found my voice.

And I hope that by sharing my own story it helps people see the world from a different perspective. And helps other families like mine muddle through the system knowing that they are not alone in what can be a very hostile and confusing world for both us and our kids.

So really I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you.

Thank you for being there, and reading my ramblings. Thank you reaching out to me and for sharing your stories. Thank you for following my page and sharing my stuff. I wish I could thank you all personally but this will have to do for now.

You will never know how grateful I am to you all my lovely friends and family.

So here’s to a happy healthy and slightly bonkers 2016 as I continue to share my story warts and all and I hope you will continue to stick around for the ride....

Mrs M xx