Wednesday 7 March 2018

Sorry folks I am out of lemonade

Hi folks

I just thought I would pop on to give you all a quick update of where we're at.

I was intending my next post to be entitled 'life gives you lemons you make lemonade', but right now I'm feeling more like a squeezed out, dried up bitter old lime than a refreshing glass of lemonade... so that one will have to wait for another time I'm afraid!

The house is silent, and the rain is drumming against the window. Its blumin' freezing and dark and I'm waiting for the coffee hit to kick hasn't yet happened so I'm off to make myself another cup...

Back now.

So, its currently 3.30 in the morning and sleep evades me yet again. I am beginning to look like the walking dead, no amount of concealer is gonna hide these bags under my eyes. (So please excuse any typos you may spot as you read this!)

I am still battling on to get my son the education he is entitled to. My quest has now broadened to legal advice, complaint letters and all things negative. I really don't like having to go down this route, but I feel like we have been backed into a corner with no choice really.  Dealing with this crap just slowly wears you down doesn't it, and it's hard to stay positive when all you seem to face is brick walls in your way.

I'm not sleeping, and my mind and body now feels like a bloody washing machine stuck on a never-ending spin cycle, which won't be helping me feel any better about it all because I'm just so bloody tired. It really is exhausting. Every day is filled with emails flying this way and that, phone calls and therapy. And then when all that settles down and I try and sleep my mind kicks in with all the things I have yet to do, the frustration at the whole situation and the worry of how things will develop.

And all the while still dealing with daily life. A Teenager going through GCSE'S and the incredible stress she is under. The cooking and cleaning and ever-growing pile of laundry. A dyslexic daughter who is struggling at school and feels like she won't ever achieve anything. Bills to pay and trying to launch a new business venture all at the same time.

Trying to keep focused on what I am eating because I don't want to undo all the hard work, I put in last year losing all that weight when really all I want to do is eat my weight in chocolate and crisps and hide from the world under a blanket watching Netflix.

We are also really lucky to have been referred to the disability social care team (I managed to get the referral done myself ... at my own request) but even that adds another layer of worry to my saturated brain even though I bloody wanted it in the first place and know we need it!! Irrational stupid things like... I have to make sure the house is clean and hovered when the social worker comes, what will they think of my parenting, and there are far more people out there that need more help than we do so I don't want to waste their time.

Crazy isn't it the way we over think and over worry everything.

So right now, folks I'm really sorry that it isn't refreshing uplifting lemonade that I'm pouring out to you all today. And the last thing you probably need is to hear me whining. So, I will shut up now. I have moaned now far too much for anyone's liking.

Maybe after a decent night sleep (ha ha wishful thinking) I may be able to squeeze out a few drops of the good stuff for you next time.

Because there is a lot of good stuff.

I have some amazing people that are fighting my son's corner with me and amazing family and friends that are keeping me propped up. And my son's mental health has improved drastically these last 7 months he has been off school. So, I have to focus on that and take each day, heck each hour as it comes! Because there is a lot to be thankful for. I will keep fighting.

So, I will be back soon to let you know how things are progressing, please keep your fingers and toes crossed for us all.

Take care folks
With much love
Mrs M xx


  1. I hear you. Also struggling here on our spots on the spectrum. Sometimes you just have to batten down the hatches and regroup. Let us now when you emerge re-energized. Best of luck.

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