A letter to the parents of a child with no diagnosis

Dear parents of a child with no diagnosis,

I want you to know that I see you.

I want you to know that I feel your pain.

I want you to know that you don't need to do this on your own.

I want you to know that no matter how alone you may feel right now, there will be better days on the horizon.

I want you know that I understand how it feels inside when passers-by, or even worse your own family, judge your parenting by criticising your child. Or brazenly stare as your child has a meltdown in the supermarket. You want the ground to swallow you up and make it all go away.

You want to scoop your child up and hide them from the world.

People can be so cruel. It hurts so much. A raw deep emotion that only someone who has faced those stares can understand.

I also want you to know, that I know how it feels inside to be on the receiving end of your child’s challenges.

You feel every emotion with them, you are in the firing line and sometimes get hurt physically. I want you know that they don’t mean to hurt you. It will get better, and it won’t always be like this.

I want you know that I understand those strange emotions we feel as parents when we are hurt by our own child. We are their safe place, the person they can be themselves with… and that can take its toll.

So, if you are reading this today and recognise anything I am saying, then please…look after yourself too. Because living in a high state of alert and constant stress can make you very poorly.

Trust me I know.

Please believe me when I say that it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

It’s not a sign of weakness to feel overwhelmed with it all.

It’s not bad parenting to battle with your own mental health issues when you’re trying to put on a brave face for the world to see.

The uncertainty of the situation you are in while you are waiting for answers in incredibly stressful. It consumes your every waking moment and haunts your sleep most nights.

I want you know that although the wait for answers may be long, those meetings at school may be strained and the support you receive as a family may be non-existent…that I see you, and I am with you everystep of the way.

I want you to know that on those days when you pick your child up from school and there has been another issue, or when that parent in the playground throws accusations your child’s way without realising how difficult simply getting to school is for your child... well I want you to know that I am here.

Me and a whole army full of parents up and down the country that know how it feels to be stood where you are right now…. Scared. Alone. Overwhelmed. Isolated.  

I want you to know that we are right by your side.

Don’t be afraid to ask for more support at school. Put support strategies in place now. It will do no harm to your child at all…diagnosis or not.

You know your child best so have more faith in yourself. Your child may not yet have that elusive piece of paper but don’t let that stop you doing what you need to do. Timetables, visuals, social stories, sensory diets… whatever works.

No matter what people may think or your family might say. Put any support you can in place now as early intervention is key. We don’t have time on our side like the government seems to think we do. I waited 5 years for my son to receive his diagnosis. Its not good enough.

So, don’t wait.

Be proactive.

Piss people off, don’t worry about upsetting people, become a pain in the rear, be your child’s voice and knock on doors until you get the help your child deserves.

I also want you to know that eventually, when you have that piece of paper in your hand, the one with your child’s formal diagnosis on it for all to see, its not going to solve all the problems and suddenly make everything all better. This is your life now and that can take some adjusting to.

I want you to be prepared for the wave of emotions that will hit you when the day finally comes. You may feel a mixture of relief, anger, sadness and some people even feel grief.

You may feel relief that it wasn’t all in your head, that is not your bad parenting and relief that now you may be able to get the support you need.

You may feel anger, asking yourself why my child? Where is the fairness in that? You may even question your own faith. I know I did.

You may feel sadness and grief. Grief for the life you thought you would have. Mourning the loss of all those things that you imagined you and your child would do together.

No one has the right to tell you how you should feel, or how you should react to getting that diagnosis for your child. It is a deeply personal experience and it is also a lot to get your head around, I’m not going to lie to you.

When your child gets a diagnosis, it can hit you like a tonne of bricks.

But that doesn’t mean that you love your child any less, or want to change them.

Please give yourself time… be kind to yourselves and let all those feelings wash over you, do what you need to do to get through those first hazy days of diagnosis.

Then will come acceptance.

You will still have battles. Face judgements and have bad days.

But there will also be lots of good days. You will want the world to see all the amazing qualities your child has to offer.

Your child will have the protection that a diagnosis provides to help you fight for access to services and get the right support at school.

You will have answers, and with that comes confidence in your own abilities.

And then life will settle into a new rhythm. You will be on a different path and soon that its OK. Its not what you expected, but this new road has some amazing views along the way and has a lot to offer.

I want you to know that no matter how long you have to wait for answers, no matter how hard things are for you all now. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And you never have to do this alone.

And your child may not be able to thank you for everything you do for them… but I can.

Thank you for being an amazing parent. Thank you for never giving up and letting your child know that despite their differences they are never less!

Thank you for your unconditional love and patience. And thank you for putting your own life on hold in order to support your child.

I see you, and I am thankful for everything you do.

Our kids are amazing…. and so are you!

With love,

Mrs M x

December 17th- Taking care of yourself this Christmas is important folks

TAKE care OF YOURSELF....

Please remember we don’t need to be superhuman, we will laugh and cry, have ups and downs, good days and days we are relieved just to see the back of. Don't beat yourself up when things feel too much.

Give yourself a break every now and again to meet a friend for coffee when the hubby's home, walk the dogs, nip to the supermarket, or catch up on the soaps (if you can.)

Take peoples offers of help if you're lucky enough to get them, family often want to help, and can often feel helpless not knowing what to do. It could be taking siblings out for a bit, doing some washing for you or walking your dogs. I know I can sometimes feel quite trapped over the holidays so take any offer up... I know I will be if any come my way.

ONLINE SHOP, enough said.

If you can't get a sitter (let's face it it's pretty unlikely) have movie night with the other half over the holidays, maybe a £10 meal deal with a bottle of wine. I know for us it often comes way down the list of priorities, but I need to remind myself how important it really is to do every now and again.

Let people know if you need to talk. Bottling things up won’t help. Make the most of your friends and family and tell them if you need a hand, it's not failing honest, it's called being human (and I have certainly been there and worn the T-shirt many times before so you're far from alone honest.)

Use your online support network. We understand how it feels and are probably feeling the same as you. Sometimes all we need is a quick chat to someone who gets it and then we can get on with our day.

Acceptance can go a long way in helping us get through the holidays. Be happy that your life is chaotic and always eventful, and trying to see the funny side of things really can help. This is half the battle of feeling happy, as looking at others and wishing our lives looked like that does us no good at all (usually their life is never as perfect as it seems anyway.)

If you feel like you're having more bad days than good and the fog isn't lifting it could be worth seeing a doctor. Our mental health should not be taboo, I myself am on antidepressants and I am not ashamed in the slightest to tell anyone that will listen! Because I am important too. In order to be there for my kids I need to look after myself. I learnt that the hard way. So please don't suffer in silence and feel ashamed. Be proud of what you do on a  daily basis and look at it as something you just need to do to fill up the tank when its running low.

Remember no ones life is perfect folks we all have our own challenges to deal with. So smile and remember you're doing a great job! 

Our kids are amazingly unique and yes life is challenging, especially at Christmas. But make the most of everyday... whatever comes your way!
And hold your head up high in pride as our children continue to teach us a new way to view our world and show us how to love unconditionally, as only children can.

'A day in the life' of a bonkers mother

One of my favourite all time songs just came on the radio; ‘A day in the life’ by the Beatles. It’s a song about nothing really, but it literally takes me away to another world. I crank up the volume and immerse myself in the sounds and mystery of all its nonsense for a few brief moments. My body stills as I soak up the sheer brilliance that is the Beatles. All my worries melt away. And then just as my mind begins to follow suit and relax…

Bang.

It ends abruptly and I am back in the real world.

The real world of being a mum and a world in which my Mind. Never. Shuts. Up.

I don’t know about you, but my mind is always talking to me… all the bloody time. Overthinking and worrying, nagging and stressing. 

So it got me thinking, what would ‘a day in my life' look like?  What if I took notice of what was going on in my head every second of the day? It would be chaotic, bonkers and moderately embarrassing I reckon!

Take this morning for example-

The alarm went off, and my brain hadn’t quite awoken from its slumber yet so all was quiet and still up there for now. That was until my teenage daughter decided that the alarm hadn’t done its job properly, so she would! She achieved this by screaming at the top of her lungs that she had “lost the dry shampoo and she was now late for school.”

Everyone, including the neighbours three doors down, were now awake.

So I heaved myself out of bed still half asleep, found her lost dry shampoo (it was in her room of course) and attempted a tinkle in peace. Before there was a loud knock on the toilet door prompting me to stop hiding in the loo and face the day. "Here we go" I sighed, and this is how the conversation in my brain went...

• First I hobbled down the stairs avoiding the shoes strategically placed on the bottom step to trip me up on purpose I reckon, and I wandered into the kitchen filling the kitchen sink with hot water to wash last nights dishes (“I must remember to post that letter today or I’ll get charged again, where did I put the stamps?”)
• Next I filled the kids cereal bowls with chocolate cereal (don't judge me it is all he will eat) and sniffed the milk before pouring it half way accross the table missing the bowl entirely (“It’s gonna be a nice day today, and the bloody lawn looks like a jungle, how are we ever going to afford to replace the broken mower, I’ll have to borrow my mums while she’s on holiday or the neighbours will start to gossip”)
• I flicked the kettle on to make a brew catching my reflection in the window (“Blimey I look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards, never mind a lawn mower I need a hairdresser)
• I let the yapping dogs out narrowly avoiding a slug by the back door ("When am I gonna squeeze in an hour to catch up with Poldark?”)
• I lay out the kid’s uniform (“Oh crap I think I had the dentist yesterday!”)
• I made a coffee… and let said coffee go cold (“I am gonna have to phone them up and pretend I was ill or they won’t let me back ‘cos I have already missed two flipping appointments already this year”)
• Next was the packed lunches with all the same stuff as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that…you get the idea he likes routine (“Shit, shit, shit I'm going to have to grovel this time!”)
• Threw some clothes on… anything will do (“Ugghhh, I don’t know what to wear in this weather and I haven’t shaved my legs, so it looks like its black leggings and UGG boots again for me”)
• Scraped my hair back in a bobble (“So much grey, where’s that dry shampoo again?”)
• Reminded kids to get dressed (“I need to brush my teeth”)
• Pick up the wet towels off the floor (“And announce to the thin air as no one is actually listening that YET AGAIN I AM PICKING UP THE WET TOWELS OFF THE FLOOR!”)
• Put toothpaste on my son’s brush or he won’t brush them (“Bloody hell how is it possible for them to get toothpaste on the blind, oh give me strength and the ceiling?!”)
• Empty the kitchen bin (“Curse profanities as the bag splits all over the long grass... I won’t repeat what my mind was saying at this point”)
• Shout upstairs for the kids to get dressed again, then go and wash my hands ( "Aghh I forgot to wash the pots, and my flipping hands stink now”)
• Shout up the stairs “have you all brushed your teeth” (“Actually, have I brushed mine? (breathes on hand) hmm? I’ve not got time now, shove a mint in and I’ll have to do them later”)
• See my son off to school in his taxi (“I hope he has a good day, I hope he eats his lunch, I hope he’s not too worried about today’s PE lesson, I wish he would drink his water bottle ….”)
• Drive my daughter to school, and listen to her fill me in on the latest episode of the Next step, whilst trying not to lose the plot as some idiot cuts me up in the rush hour traffic (“Right, I’ll clean the house, walk the dogs, wash the cushions, nip to the shops and try and squeeze in Poldark after lunch…”)
• Then I cleaned the house right through (“Whilst wishing it wasn’t so darn hot today, its meant to be bloody autumn already, am I the only one not happy its sunny today, why am I so grumpy …maybe I am going through the early menopause ‘cos I keep having hot sweats and mood swings, maybe I should see a doctor, but no wait … when am I gonna find time to do that, and I'll probably forget the appointment again anyway,look at the bloody state of this room, can no one change a loo roll in this darn house!”)

Now this is where I will stop folks, never mind a day in the life… its already 10.30 am and I have written over 1000 words of nonsense already!

So I won’t go on to tell you all about how I have just sat down to attempt another cup of coffee, only to drop my hobnob in the mug, and then realise 20 minutes had passed by and said coffee is again stone cold, but this time with an addition of a soggy lump of oats congealed in the bottom. Mmmm nice eh!

And how  I have managed to waste those 20 minutes watching two videos on YouTube of dancing grannies 'giving it large' in their kitchens, stalked all my friends on Facebook, liked a picture of a smiling dog, and lost 5 minutes of my life I can never regain by attempting to rig a quiz to tell me 'which book character I am most like'. (I was hoping to come out as Jane Eyre, you know all dark and mysterious… but instead it was proud to tell me that I was in fact closest to Willy Wonka, middle aged and slightly bonkers it is then!)

You see I’m afraid if you were reading this blog hoping for some words of words of wisdom, a deep and meaningful message or a powerful moral tale; well I guess you have noticed by now that this blog contains no such pearls.

In fact, it’s nothing more than nonsense really.

However, for a few brief moments as you have read my ramblings, hopefully your mind has slipped away from reality and realised that maybe the fact that you forget appointments, lose the plot sometimes and feel like a hot mess some days is actually OK…because I do too … it’s what makes us human you see.

Or maybe you have realised that you’re not the only one who’s coffee goes cold, that other mums indeed use dry shampoo and curse as they have to change the loo roll for the 3rd time in a day. You're not alone.

Maybe you will see that it’s OK to escape into Facebook, watch dancing grannies, listen to the Beatles, or even grab 5 minutes at the school gate sat in your car reading this silly blog as you wait for the kids... if that’s what gets us through the craziness that is motherhood.

Because maybe a little nonsense in our daily life is just what the Dr ordered? And after all Willy Wonka himself said; “A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.” Never a truer word said I reckon (even by Jane Eyre herself.)

Now, I’m off to find a Wonka-bar to dunk in my cold coffee, oh and to make that phonecall to the  dentist...wish me luck!

Yours, as always

Mrs M x

What to do if you have concerns about a child in your classroom

I have been privileged to spend many years of my career working within the primary education sector and early years settings to support staff who work with children on the autism spectrum. It can be one of the most rewarding jobs and yet also one of the most challenging too, as each individual child on the spectrum is unique, and therefore they all have such different needs.

Add to this the fact that many children’s challenges are hidden from the outside world and it becomes easy to see why people can focus on the things children with autism can’t do, their deficits if you like. Instead of us looking at the child behind the behaviour, we can find ourselves stuck in a cycle of negative reaction strategies that actually serve to aggravate the child even further.

Many approaches I have seen over the years tend to ‘treat the behaviour’ and focus on the child’s problems. But we should be taking the time to find out what makes these very special children tick, what their strengths are, how they learn, and how we can make reasonable adjustments to the environment in order to meet their needs.

So often children on the spectrum are treated like round pegs in square holes. Our environment and demands to conform to our view of the world can chip away at them and doesn’t take into account their individual needs.  

Or to look at it another way - imagine holding a ruler in your hand. You can bend it this way and that way time after time…but eventually the plastic will become overstretched, worn out and one day it will snap.

Children with autism can quickly become overwhelmed and over stretched with their learning environment if they are constantly having to bend and mould to fit into our world. In the long term this can lead to anxiety creeping in and taking hold of them, which is proven to drastically affect their mental health as they get older.

So over the next few guest blogs for Kathy I will be looking at how we can effectively support children with autism in our pre-schools and classrooms. From early intervention; to liaising with parents, understanding behaviour and sensory needs to language development and communication. I will talk through my experiences, and share with you the things that have worked well for me, and also those things that didn’t work so well! And to be honest, sometimes the things that have taught me the most have been times when I have got it wrong!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So to start with I will look at what to do if you have concerns about a child in your setting -the key behaviours to look out for, and then how to broach any concerns you may have with parents.

The National Autistic society state that young children with autism may exhibit a range of behaviours that could include -

·     difficulty relating to others and making friends

• difficulty in communicating (some children may not talk at all)
• being unable to engage in imaginative play.  

• obsessions
• fears
• a lack of awareness of danger
• ritualistic play and behaviour
• inappropriate eye contact
• hypersensitivity to sound, light
• spinning objects
• hand flapping.

(National Autistic Society May 2016)

However not all children with autism will display all of these behaviours. Often children on the spectrum can mask their difficulties for fear of standing out. This is especially true with girls. They can often blend in very well and follow the lead of others to get through the day and can be very sociable with their friends too.

Many young children on the spectrum will have some form of communication and language difficulty. Some children may never use spoken words or they can develop language later than the rest of their peers. Other children could use echolalia to communicate (where they repeat words and phrases they have heard, sometimes in an accent). And some children who have Asperger’s can have what appears to be good level of language, yet they may not necessarily understand everything that is being said. They can take things literally, out of context, or not always see why your joke is so funny.

There are loads of things we can do to help children on the spectrum ‘find their voice’, and this is vital whatever level of language they have. As just because a child doesn’t speak, it doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say. I will look at possible strategies another time.

Lots of children with autism may also have difficulty with ‘sensory processing’. Simply put this means they can smell, hear, and feel things in a different way than we do which can lead to them being overwhelmed by their environment, or even leave them seeking sensory input. This can make them appear hyperactive or they can’t sit still. But young children won’t always even realise what is happening to their body, so it’s our job to watch what their behaviour is telling us instead of labelling them as a naughty child.

Working with young children everyday means you are in a unique position to be able to make a difference to children whether they have a diagnosis or not. As early intervention and support is vital. I have found that over the years I have always followed my gut instinct. Sometimes we just know, if a child isn’t hitting their milestones and there is something just niggling at you. Speak to your line manager/ SENCO or class teacher.

And then it’s vital to open the lines of communication with the child’s parents. Here are some tips…

·        Keep calm and friendly -This can be very daunting to have to do and you may worry about what they will say in response. But chances are they may have been worried about their child for a long time already, as no one knows a child better than their parents. They may have also been expecting you to raise concerns at some point.

·        If they don’t react well- Keep calm and polite, they may just be in shock and it could be a defence mechanism. Have the support of a co-worker there with you, and give them time.

·        Keep it informal -So ask them to come in for a chat, offer them a drink and don’t sit around a desk like your planning on interviewing them. Believe me they will be more nervous than you and probably emotionally drained with worry themselves.

·       Keep it private, and positive where you can - Make sure it’s done in private and that you have lots of positive things to say about their child too. There is nothing worse as a parent than sitting around a table with professionals telling you all the things your child can’t do, and how he causes them such a problem. As a parent that is heart-breaking to have to hear.

·        Keep an eye on the time and don’t talk about their child if they are in the room with you -Keep it brief, to the point and informative, offer childcare if possible so their child isn’t in the room listening to the conversation. Try not to give too many opinions and stick to the facts as you see them. And most importantly keep it friendly. Parents can easily become defensive if they sense in your tone that you are getting at their child in some way.

·       Be prepared -So maybe prepare some notes that include their child’s strengths, and how he overcomes any challenges he seems to face. For every negative try and give them two positives so they don’t come away with a feeling of dread about their child’s future. But be honest with them as the difficulties you have noted about their child do need to be addressed in a sensitive manner.

·       1) Discuss the issue 2) Provide possible causes and 3) Plan strategies that could help-

So for example -  

1)     Discuss the issue- You could say you have noticed that their child can find Storytime a little tricky and can become a little wriggly and distracted
2)      Follow that up with what observations you have done- You have observed that it could this be because they are struggling to follow pace of the language, or maybe they may need a firm back to lean on to feel more comfortable whilst sitting, or that maybe 6 OR 7 minutes is enough for them to sit for and any longer than that can cause them to lose focus
3)      Finally discuss the strategies you have put in place- So could say you that have you have implemented strategies such as a fiddle toy, provided visual aids or puppets to go with the story which helps their child to engage. You could have tried a chair or cushion to sit on instead of the carpet, and you now ensure the carpet session doesn’t exceed 7 minutes

Then once the lines of communication have been opened, keep those links going with weekly ‘catch ups’. It doesn’t need to be much, but a discreet little thumbs up at pick up time, or a little note in their reading book can make all the difference to anxious parents. Because no matter what the outcome is, the parents will need your support and help in coming to terms with this unplanned reality they find themselves in.

Next time I will look at how we can adapt the early years learning environment to accommodate children on the spectrum. Including how the layout of the classroom can affect a child, how visual displays can aid communication and the use of timers can help children access learning.

Mrs M

This blog was written as a guest post for Kathy Brodie (Early years teaching and coaching) and can be found here on her website

http://www.kathybrodie.com/guest-post/supporting-children-autism/

How we can help with Back to School anxiety

The first day back to school after a break can be a real cause of heightened anxiety for many children, including not only my son who has autism but also for his two sisters - who just worry a lot.

You know the feeling, you have had a lovely few weeks off work and the day of return is steaming at you like a train – you can’t escape it or ignore it because it’s going to happen. And no matter how much you actually may like work you still worry about it. But we can think ahead and realise that no matter how much we worry, after a couple of hours back in the saddle it will feel like we have never been away.

But for our kids this kind of reasoning is very hard to do, especially if you have autism and your brain processes things differently.

You see our kid’s nervous systems are on constant overdrive to process all the sensory information that bombards them on a daily basis, and schools are often places where they have to work even harder to keep themselves regulated.  The pace of learning, the noises, the constant social interactions, following unwritten rules, fast language, and busy rooms can all increase their anxiety levels.

For many children on the autism spectrum this high level of anxiety is something they learn to live with every-day, but it can make them feel really confused, vulnerable and exhausted. These feelings can become overwhelming for many kids, and can ultimately lead to huge school related anxiety and in some cases, like with my son, school refusal.  

So I know from experience that there will be many families out there today, with the end of the school holidays fast approaching, that feel like they are treading on egg shells at home because their children are on the edge. They are so anxious about returning to school that the slightest thing sets them off - a wrong word or a brush past them on the stairs and they are in full meltdown mode from what appears to be like out of nowhere!

Jekyll and Hyde I used to call my son.

But really it’s not out of nowhere if we think about it - it’s just we can’t see what’s going on inside their little minds, and often they can’t tell us.

Inside they are literally bubbling with stress chemicals so they are on the edge and only the slightest little push sends them to lash out or want to run a way and escape to the safety their bedrooms.

So what can we do to help our kids, and how can we best get through the days leading up to the return to school when our children have such high anxiety?

Here are some ideas you may like to try -

          (Many of these ideas will be relevant  for school to use too when a pupil is very anxious)

·       Reduce demands – Wherever possible don’t get into direct confrontation, give your child choices as when children become really anxious they can become oppositional at even the smallest of tasks.

·       Keep language slow, calm and positive.

·       Let them spend some of the day doing their favourite activity if it helps keep them calm, some children may need to 'stim' more to self-regulate, while some may want to retreat and limit interaction – respect this and don’t force things too much when your child is like this. When they are doing something they like it releases the feel good chemical which helps relax their central nervous system.

·       Relaxation can work for many children – calming music, dimming the light, a hand massage, aromatherapy etc. can have a really calming effect on anxious children.

·       Being outside in nature helps my son – walking the dogs/ climbing a tree/ a walk  could all help.

·       Make sure the day is structured even if it’s a day in the house  - break it up into chunks using a visual timetable.

·       Ensure you have the relevant information from school about what is happening that first day back – it may mean contacting the teacher to get the information beforehand if necessary if they don’t volunteer the information without a little nudge.

·       Use this information to map out their first day back in school, as when your child is anxious any uncertainty will increase their panic. Write down what they will be doing – use visuals if that helps, all this will drastically reduce your child’s anxiety. Of course you NEED this information from school in order to do this, and its vital schools help you by recognising the importance of giving home the relevant information beforehand.

·      Keep your day low key and warn family that the day before school starts probably isn’t the best day to do an unannounced visit – as much as your child loves them he may just not be in the right frame of mind to deal with a house full when he is feeling so delicate.

·      For some children it can help them label their feelings using a scale. http://www.autismempowerment.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Incredible-5-Point-Scale-Fact-Sheet-rev.pdf

·       Keep any directions or instructions really simple and concrete using visuals to reinforce your language.

·       Heavy muscle work can help calm children – so riding a bike, jumping on the trampoline or sofa/ swimming/ swinging etc..

·       Have lots of sensory activities at the ready such as fiddle toys/ lights / messy play/ weighted blanket for your child to use whenever they want throughout day.

·       A transition activity ready at school for your child that they are happy and prepared for can help some children settle better at the beginning of the day. It could be that they sharpen the pencils every day when they arrive, or that they arrive 5 minutes early and don’t have to queue in the playground with everyone else. School should be open to any ideas that can help the transition from home and school become easier for our children.

·        It’s also vital that you have time to pass on any info they may need to know like poor sleep etc. (this could be written in a home school book). If your child knows you are going to ensure you let the teacher know of anything that has been an issue for them it can help them feel calmer. My son often used to worry that this teacher wouldn’t know something, so just by me having that quick handover with his TA in the morning really put his mind at rest. It doesn’t have to mean you will spend 10 minutes each morning with the teacher as we all know that it’s not possible - but it is SO vital that the communication is open between home and school.

       AS WHAT HAPPENS AT HOME DIRECTLY IMPACTS WHAT HAPPENS AT SCHOOL, AND VISA VERSA.

·       And finally maybe have a motivating activity for them timetabled for their first day when they get back home - it could be a treat tea or favourite movie to look forward to when they get back for doing so well at controlling their anxiety.

                                        And most importantly please give yourself some time too.

It’s hard on everyone in the family when you have a child with high anxiety. Especially the one who is often on the receiving end of the meltdown. Just as your child needs to be given time to recharge once they have reached school and start their day, so do you!

I know from personal experience that when your child is so upset and anxious you feel every inch of the emotions with them - and it takes its toll. You too will have stress chemicals pumping through your body so don’t ignore it- look after yourself. Give your own body time to recover, even if it's just a walk around the block before you dash off to do the weekly shop.  

                                                Please -  because you are important too!