So I have been adjusting to the antidepressants I have been put on by my doctor this week, and I can honestly say it’s been a pretty yucky week! I have felt at times like I have been hit by a bus and it’s been a struggle to get through the day never mind find the time to blog. I have felt a little bit spaced out at times and definitely feel like I lost my Mojo a bit.This depression is like my very own Dr Evil.
So this blog is a little bit different to my usual kind of writing as I thought it might me if help if I kept a brief journal of the first week or so on these tablets. I wasn’t even sure at the time if it was something I was gonna share, but today I read on the front of my teenage daughters English book something that inspired me. It said ‘write in a way that scares you a little.’ And this certainly does that!!
I’m either bonkers or brave for sharing my personal diary but hey ho you only live once eh......
It is as I wrote it at the time, I have edited nothing, so it’s my honest feelings each day.
So here goes nothing, this is my life over the last week and a bit as I adjust to my tablets and face each day.....
9th SEP – Really struggled getting up this am. Got kids to school G thinks I need to go to doctor. I snap at him but then phone when he’s gone to make an emergency appointment. (Hate it whens he's right!) Felt sick in waiting room. Cried at the poor doctor think he was only a junior. Can’t face tablet yet. Take it at bedtime.... worse night sleep ever, twitchy leg, mind racing! Arggghh nightmare. How am I gonna get up with kids in am?
10th SEP- Blur day NO SLEEP AGAIN cant be bothered writing, too much washing to do, don’t know what I have to do today got kids to school OK, tea then early bed again
11th SEP – NO SLEEP kids in school, got through day.....
12th SEP- Bad headache all day, have to go to bed.
Feel yuck, everything hurts lots of sleep cant move off bed, took tablet at night not this am to see if it helps
13th SEP- Girls room is meant to be decorated this week, crap timing this feels like I gotta mountain to climb. Need motivation from somewhere?? ...but start to paint room .... could scream at anybody cos there's a bloody mess everywhere i look, I'm so snappy hate hearing myself so try and just keep quiet... feel like a zombie today
14th SEP – Cancelled coffee with Jackie, cant face it. Camhs in afternoon really don’t wanna go. Got really upset but she helped. Discussed a type of therapy can t remember name of it now.. but she told me to look after myself and stop feeling guilty. Gave myself another headache crying . Meant to be out with Sue tonight couldn’t face it so she came to me instead. Ate Chinese. Was nice evening... feel OK!
15th Sep- Slept better, feel little less heavy headed. Met Kathy to talk about my blog I felt excited about future,it was nice to see her. Little man was in good mood after school telling jokes we laughed loud, love him so much he made me teary tonight. I managed some writing tonight which felt good:-)
16th Sep- Miss my mum this week. Miss my job. Shaky and nearly sick. So sleepy, struggled to stay up til after putting little man to bed
17th SEP- Carpet coming for girls room so cancelled all things I had to do today. Stayed in house. G off work but out for the am. I pottered and showered. Cuddles with dog. Felt like hibernating today
18th SEP- Little man stressed out this am as Jeans for Genes day. I felt panicky in shop. Needed to eat felt sick. G took kids swimming after school and then we put girls new beds together. Felt OK and enjoyed my dinner tonight.... felt hungry.
19th SEP - Today.....I was up nice and early, showered, still tired but pushing through. Washing done clothes sorted and house hovered. Today’s a good day, I’m still bit snappy but I have a clear head today. Might even attempt a movie tonight....
Hopefully my Mojo is returning, I'm taking it day by day..bit by bit one little step at a time.