tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10295086305844884142024-03-13T10:59:53.610-07:00A slice of AutismA slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-59883146721087216182022-11-12T00:08:00.009-08:002022-11-12T01:34:26.680-08:00Autism and trauma
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<p class="p1"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFeGkmHSRrGwbVy2uNDezqDWAcOPCfcGoyn2KV9T-RgiBQGempH7Bst7txKjm3dGHNOR2FAiI4GZqe2wHwoR_997lSlfVcZnuAqbXwK2iX7SAobTgBBkGO0WOK9Xg7glwlJeYYnSsROAFYI1TJzfjTevDK6vTNf5PPyMKPNBa-MZDEgS_Xy2rB4-u/s960/diary%2014.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFeGkmHSRrGwbVy2uNDezqDWAcOPCfcGoyn2KV9T-RgiBQGempH7Bst7txKjm3dGHNOR2FAiI4GZqe2wHwoR_997lSlfVcZnuAqbXwK2iX7SAobTgBBkGO0WOK9Xg7glwlJeYYnSsROAFYI1TJzfjTevDK6vTNf5PPyMKPNBa-MZDEgS_Xy2rB4-u/s320/diary%2014.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _msthash="368329" _msttexthash="12527216" class="s1">This week I have been thinking a lot about trauma,
more specifically I suppose looking at trauma through the lens of an autistic
mother to autistic teens.</span><span class="s1"><br /></span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368459" _msttexthash="33968532" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I don’t personally think that being autistic in
itself is traumatic but living in a world that is confusing and sees your
autistic behaviours as a problem to be fixed … can be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368589" _msttexthash="6484270" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Masking your true self to fit in every day … can be
traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368719" _msttexthash="5752045" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Muting your needs to appease others … can be
traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368849" _msttexthash="5920044" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Being labelled as naughty or awkward … can be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368979" _msttexthash="6857565" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Not having your sensory needs met every day … can be
traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="369109" _msttexthash="13403988" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Ignoring our to need self-regulate for fear of
people's ignorance and judgement … can be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="369239" _msttexthash="22229558" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">People who don’t understand you and change the rules
and goalposts not realising the knock in effect that may have<span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">… can be traumatic.</span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368186" _msttexthash="7597733" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Feeling like your different from everyone else … can
be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368316" _msttexthash="28337634" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _istranslated="1" class="s1">Appeasing others constantly… can be </span><span _istranslated="1" class="apple-converted-space"><span _istranslated="1"><span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">traumatic. Having a different way of communicating from
everyone else and not being understood … can be traumatic.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368446" _msttexthash="2927106" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Trying to fit in … can be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368576" _msttexthash="22162010" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Not processing information in the same way as
everyone else and struggling to follow the teacher's instructions in class … can
be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368706" _msttexthash="84668077" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Getting up every day and leaving your safe space at
home <span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">to go to school where you are bombarded by overwhelming sights, </span><span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">smells, busy corridors and constant </span><span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">interactions. Not to mention peers that may target us because we’re different and that makes us vulnerable … can be traumatic.</span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368836" _msttexthash="6615635" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Not being able to communicate how you feel… can be
traumatic<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="368966" _msttexthash="7003828" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Not being accepted or embraced for who we are … can
be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span _msthash="369096" _msttexthash="8762286" class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Being ashamed or feeling stigmatised by our
diagnosis … can be traumatic.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _msthash="369226" _msttexthash="13375206" class="s1">Not knowing why we feel like we’re not the same as
everyone else… can be traumatic.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="369356" _msttexthash="3228485" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Being vulnerable … can be traumatic. <br _istranslated="1" /></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span _msthash="368303" _msttexthash="16527433" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Going to school for some autistic </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">young people can become so traumatic that even the
mention of putting on their school uniform can trigger the trauma response of
panic and fear.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368433" _msttexthash="17431908" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">So as autistic individuals struggling with trauma, we
have taken steps to protect ourselves from all the dangers to our nervous system
or we will overload and shut down completely.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span><span _msthash="368434" _msttexthash="3672526" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We take control where we can, and we cocoon ourselves
in things that keep us safe.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span><span _msthash="368435" _msttexthash="19376344" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We stay in our comfy pjs and can't leave our
bedroom’s. We can’t cope with anything else other than total safety and
comfort.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span><span _msthash="368436" _msttexthash="3791450" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We cause conflict or become aggressive to hide our
vulnerabilities and anxiety.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span><span _msthash="368437" _msttexthash="2269007" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We shut ourselves down and isolate ourselves from
the world.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368563" _msttexthash="23486138" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">If we have to get in the car, we won’t put our shoes
on because then we know we won’t be able to get out of the car at the other end
of the journey with no shoes on.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368693" _msttexthash="7980362" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We can’t distinguish loud noise from quite noises
because volume in our ears feels like l been turned up to max.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368823" _msttexthash="3200821" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">The lights are brighter, smells are smellier, and
clothes are scratchier.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368953" _msttexthash="12468144" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Our stomachs feel like they are upside down on a
rollercoaster so we can’t eat and lose our appetite.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="369083" _msttexthash="51763491" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">The inner dialogue that lives in our brains won’t
stop reminding </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">us of all
the things we have done wrong that day, all the ways in which other people
think we are a failure, and all the dangers we have to face tomorrow so we
can’t sleep.</span></span></p><p class="p1"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span _msthash="369084" _msttexthash="41515474" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">And there is no way we can talk to people about how
we feel because we don’t feel safe enough to trust them with seeing the real us
and having to face that rejection or judgement, and besides all that how </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">do we even being to explain all this to someone,
where do we begin?</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span _msthash="369085" _msttexthash="85015970" class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">How do I find the words to explain something that we’re </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">not even sure of myself as the rational part of my brain has
packed up and gone on holiday at the time when I need it the most. So, I can’t
make decisions or process my thoughts right now and I am impulsive or avoidant because
my amygdala has squatters' rights in my headspace and is controlling my
reactions.</span></span></p><p class="p1"><span _msthash="369086" _msttexthash="71409611" class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Sometimes such is the extent of the trauma that we
can’t speak at all, and silence descends on us like a thief in the </span></span><span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">darkness. You see the trauma of our environment and negative
experiences can trap us in a state of fear and </span></span><span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">self-protection. But it’s not all bad, there is always light in the
darkness.</span></span></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="369213" _msttexthash="1678495" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Things can always get better. We can always recover.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="369343" _msttexthash="1257789" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">But it takes time and patience for recovery.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _msthash="369344" _msttexthash="2333617" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes understanding and empathy from others for
recovery.</span><br /></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="369473" _msttexthash="1840384" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes accommodations and acceptance for recovery.</span></p><p class="p2"><span _msthash="369474" _msttexthash="1381822" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes genuine authentic care for recovery.</span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _msthash="369475" _msttexthash="1927731" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes being seen and heard for who we are for
recovery.</span><br /></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368420" _msttexthash="1944072" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: arial; font-size: medium; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes embracing us for who really we are for
recovery.</span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="p2"><span _msthash="368550" _msttexthash="2318212" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It takes </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">seeing us, hearing us and respecting us for recovery.</span></span></p><p _msthash="20488" _msttexthash="197654392" class="p2"><span _msthash="368551" _msttexthash="33311174" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Our autism isn’t the cause of our trauma, our
environments and experiences are the cause. We do not need to change; we do not
need to be fixed or pretend to be something </span><span _msthash="1077986" _msttexthash="1077986" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">we’re not.</span></span></p><p _msthash="20488" _msttexthash="91477880" class="p2"><span _msthash="40842659" _msttexthash="40842659" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _istranslated="1"><span _istranslated="1" _msthash="37459955" _msttexthash="39677547" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">The
world around us and the people around us need to change. They need to take the time
to learn about autism and to live a day in our shoes, to see things from our perspective
in order to drive the understanding and acceptance that autistic individuals
are so desperately crying out </span></span><span _istranslated="1"><span _istranslated="1" _msthash="5089981" _msttexthash="40144" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">for. </span></span></span></p><p _msthash="20488" _msttexthash="91477880" class="p2"><span _istranslated="1" _msthash="20489" _msttexthash="12256452" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span _istranslated="1" _msthash="5089981" _msttexthash="4632381" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">With some out of the box thinking, a change of
perspective and sprinkle of care and patience </span><span _istranslated="1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">we can try to make the world less traumatic in the first place.</span></span></p><p class="p1"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="s1"><br /></span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></o:p></p>
<!--EndFragment-->A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-41527889879823269362022-06-18T02:02:00.012-07:002022-11-12T00:53:02.498-08:00The time is right
<p class="p1"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif">Hi folks </span></b><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">I have been somewhat distant on here for a while. In
time as I process things in my own way, I am sure that I will be able to
share more of that’s happened.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p1"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">This post has been drafted for so long I never felt
ready to press share, until now. Writing is how I have learned to process my
thoughts over the years, it is how I process my feelings and express myself.
But this, this one thing I couldn’t write about for what has felt like an
eternity.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif">Last year I received a formal diagnosis myself. </span><span face=""Calibri Light",sans-serif" style="color: #3cb44b; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <b>I found out at the age of 42 that I am autistic.</b> <b style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">And today, Autistic Pride
Day 2022, I finally feel proud to say it out loud.</b><span style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">I have supported two of my children through the
diagnostic process learn to love themselves. We all
face different challenges and have different strengths, yet we all share one
common thread. How can that be? How can we all be so different yet share the
same label? That question along with many others is for another time, another
day.</span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">For many years I didn’t see autism in myself, I think
looking back now that’s because I had a very narrow view of what autism looked
like. And I hid my struggles. I masked and pushed my differences deep down into
my belly where they could cause no trouble to anyone (except to me). I was
diagnosed with mental health issues and told at times that I had a lot to cope
with, so my breakdowns and poor mental health were understandable and just a fact
of life. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Those closest to me in the world already know, and to
them it has made no difference. Their love and acceptance have helped me
process the news and helped me to feel ready to share this out loud today. But
some who read this today may be very surprised. And that’s OK, if I didn't know
for all these years, then how could they? All that shows is just how much there
is still to do in terms of raising awareness around what it actually means to
be autistic, especially for women like me.</span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">And right now, I am not ready to have to explain the
ins and outs of my diagnosis to those who may react in that way. And nor should
I have to. It isn't my responsibility to persuade anyone of the basis of my
diagnosis or have to answer any doubts and disbelief people may have. The adult
diagnostic process is a long and detailed clinical assessment that people have
to wait years for and often it only comes after years and years of misdiagnosis
and trauma. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">The assessment is carried out by clinical
psychologists and highly trained professionals who know their stuff. The reason
for seeking a diagnosis (especially at my age) is complex and very personal to
the individual. It can be hard for people to understand why after all these
years I felt the need to be formally diagnosed. But for people like me we have
often spent our whole lives feeling broken, different and out of step with the
rest of the world and that can be a horrible place to find yourself, believe
me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">So please, no judgements are welcome here, I don’t
seek sympathy nor any well-meaning comments about how well I have hidden it, or
how you can’t believe it as have always seemed so ‘normal’.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Please believe me, as well intentioned your comments
may actually be they will serve me little use and would only go to show a lack
of understanding and empathy for others like me.</span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">You see for every person who read this and think “she
can’t be autistic,” there will be many more that have hidden away their true
selves from the world in the same way that I have for all these years. And
they may take some comfort from seeing someone like them say the words out loud
to light the way forward for them. I know I have when I have seen other late
diagnosed women braving the world with their diagnosis. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My challenges and difficulties have been so hidden and
private all my life that the thought of talking about them openly (especially
with people who know me well) feels rather daunting. It’s not that I am ashamed
of being autistic… far from it, it is just a process that I have to go though,
I guess. But I do not need to share with the world the things I have struggled
with so privately all my life to prove to them the reason I sought diagnosis.
One day, when I feel ready, I am sure I will write about aspects of my life as
a means of advocacy and raising awareness. But I am not yet ready for that. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">You see the whole assessment process left me feeling
raw and exposed, as I opened up about things, I have buried deep within me. And
the process of peeling back of those layers is hard. It tears open old wounds
that never healed.</span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">As proud as I am, discovering your true self is hard. Taking
the lifelong mask off is hard. </span></p><p class="p1"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I
have watched famous women talk about their diagnosis with a feeling of envy
over the last few months and I couldn’t understand how they talked about it
with such ease … so openly, I wished I could share just a fraction of their
bravery. I feel like I have carried around this secret since last year and I
had no way of sharing it. My words were muted by anxiety and my emotions numbed
the fear of letting go of any control I had.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Processing an autism diagnosis is a very long, complex
process and I am only just coming to terms with this. I am learning to face my
inner struggles in my own way privately, never mind having to justify my diagnosis
to others who don’t understand anything about late diagnosed autistic women, I
simply haven’t been ready for that. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">A few months ago, my mum told to me that I am different now somehow, lighter,
somethings changed for the better she said. “I think it’s since you got your
diagnosis.” It was like a lightbulb moment for me as I have felt this change
inside of me but didn’t think others could see it. But it radiates from within me,
and I have no control. The relief I felt of it all finally making sense. The hidden
me learning to slowly peep out from behind the shadows, and to be brave enough
to screw what anyone else may think of it all. To say out loud when something
is worrying me. To rest when I feel burnout. To turn out the lights when I feel
overwhelmed. To lose myself in hours of study. To say no sometimes. Small acts
of self-advocacy and bravery each day are enabling me to be my true self,
instead of pretending that I am OK when in fact my insides are writhing in the
pain of pretence.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">I recently went for a job interview (for a job I really wanted) and I had to
decide whether or not to tell them about my autism. But I was brave and bold as
I see my autism in fact as a strength in many ways that actually would help me
in the role. I was scared they would see it as a flaw. But I got the job. They
accepted me and wanted me just the way I was. The autistic me. No mask, no
pretence, no hiding. And it made me realise that I can be my true self and not
be scared anymore. For me, the road to happiness is going to be found by
following the route of authenticity. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Saying this out loud is the first step. I
have had to accept my diagnosis in order to process it as I have always
fiercely encouraged my teens to embrace their differences. So, I now have
to learn to practice what I preach and for me this is how I move down the path
of self-acceptance. </span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">I need to learn to forgive who I have been and see my
previous failures and challenges through a different lens. I wasn't weak, or
flaky, snobbish or straight faced. <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I was autistic. </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">I need to accept who I am now and speak up for myself
more. Make the accommodations I need, and learn to set some boundaries to protect my own mental health.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p1">
</p><p class="p2"><span face=""Calibri Light", sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">And I will embrace and love who I am to become … a proud
autistic middle aged menopausal woman!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="p2"><span class="s1" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></p><p class="p2"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="text-align: center;"><span class="s1"><font color="#000000" face="sans-serif" size="3"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.3); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-align: left; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><img alt="https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1GiUe4A3KceIICrdDc27gPndX6Rs4E31q" src="https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1GiUe4A3KceIICrdDc27gPndX6Rs4E31q" style="height: auto; max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%; width: auto;" /><br /></span></font></span></p>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-1793605076499214932020-09-21T21:53:00.002-07:002022-11-12T01:05:55.783-08:00Learning to let her go
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Why hello there folks! </span>Long-time<span style="font-family: inherit;"> no see. It’s been well over 18 months since I last did an update. How the heck are you all, </span>surviving,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I hope? Well, we just have to </span>don't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> we! </span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m not even sure if I still even have people out there </span>interested anymore<span style="font-family: inherit;"> in anything I have to say, but I have been thinking for a while now that I was feeling the urge to get back to blogging once again. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s been a bonkers time for all of us, and for me writing had always been a bit of an outlet for my inner crazy. But as my son grew </span>older,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I became acutely away that our stories were so intertwined that I didn’t want to inadvertently over share what was essentially his private moments too for all the world to see, without his permission as he got older. </span>So,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I kept my crazy within. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div>Plus,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I was pretty ill for quite a while and had lots of ops last year. </span>So,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> it all just got pushed to the back of my mind and life took over. I couldn’t even remember how to </span>access<span style="font-family: inherit;"> my blog page I had neglected it so much. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But my son </span>(so<span style="font-family: inherit;"> is now not so little...he’s 16!) asked me last week why I wasn’t writing anymore as he flicked through my book that he had found on the shelf, and when I explained my </span>reasons,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> he kinda looke</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">d at me puzzled and said, “well that’s daft, I don’t mind mum you should write if It helped people.” </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Next thing I knew he tidied up my neglected blog page and announced that it was ready again. Just like that. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">So that was it, and here I am at half 4 in the am.</span>.. this<span style="font-family: inherit;"> seems to be the time my body likes to wake me up and implant nonsense in my head so I can’t get back to sleep!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">And I thought well why not? Maybe no one will read it anymore anyway. But the process of getting my thoughts down on paper really helped me in the past so, why not? Here I am. </span><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">However, after that long intro tonight, while I lay here to the hum of my </span>husband's<span style="font-family: inherit;"> breathing (well snoring) </span>it's<span style="font-family: inherit;"> not my son playing on my mind in these ungodly hours of the day... it’s my daughter. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">You see off to uni in less than 48 hours, she’s the first one of my babies to leave home, and I’m menopausal! Oh, and there’s that small matter of us being in the middle of a global pandemic.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Enough said! </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had no preconceived ideas of how I was gonna feel as the time approached when I had to send my baby off into the world and learn to let her go. Everyone says it a sign that you have done your job as a parent well. Raised a happy, healthy child who is now ready to go off into the world to find her own life. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I get all that, I feel such immense pride. She is going to love every second of it, and if she </span>doesn’t,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I will always be here for her. I tell myself this fact on a loop </span>every day<span style="font-family: inherit;"> to calm my nerves. Because I can’t stop these internal pangs that I have no control of from bubbling to the surface. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">The IKEA shop has been done, later today we tackle her food and toiletries shop and tonight she wants a hot bath and a takeaway. All the practicalities are in place. I am counting down the hours ‘til I have to drop her off and walk away with a sense of overwhelming love and </span>excitement<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and sheer bloody dread as I know I will blubber like a loon. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">I will miss her so very much. I can already feel the ache of not having her around. These last few years I have had to adjust to the sleepless late nights worrying where she was, cope as her friends rightly became the centre of her world, and her needing me less and less. It takes some practice, and I didn’t always get it right. But I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><img alt="https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=17r3a9gt1AqrQCF1pqHSEHBBoIlNrwuSH" height="499" src="https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=17r3a9gt1AqrQCF1pqHSEHBBoIlNrwuSH" style="height: auto; max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%; width: auto;" width="374" /><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We drop our kids off on the first day of school with no notion of how fast this day will come around. Those first day feelings of anxiety and pride never truly go away, in fact they amplify even louder at times like these. My children are not mine to keep and protect by my side forever. The time has come. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">I have to learn to let her go. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">I will cry, I have cried. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">But I know I will adjust. She is so ready to live her own life now and for that I am so grateful. Grateful that she is able to leave me, as hard as that may be for me. Because the truth is my son may never be able to do that. </span></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">But today I can’t let my mind go to that place. Each and every one of my children have so much to offer the world in their own different ways and I am trying to learn to embrace the challenges that come as my children become adults with their own lives and futures ahead of them, whatever that maybe I will be here on the sidelines cheering them on. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">And for my daughter that means leaving home and heading off to uni to a world full of adventures. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you’re kids are little, hug them, because believe me this day has come around so quickly that I am struggling to catch up. I wish I could pause time, but I can’t. This has to happen, and I have to wave her off to live her own life. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Pride, love, anxiety, hope, joy, excitement, worry and sadness. These words don’t even begin to cover the range of emotions I feel right now. But we can’t stop time, tomorrow will always come no matter what. Sitting here worrying isn’t gonna help me keep her little. She will always need me I know that. I need my own mum and I’m in my 40s. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So now I need to try and sleep. We have a </span>busy few days<span style="font-family: inherit;"> ahead. Maybe</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"> now I have that off my chest I can. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">We will see.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is nice to be back folks, even if it’s 4 in the morning! </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; text-size-adjust: 100%;">I’ll be back soon I promise (once the blubbering has stopped) </span></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline; font-family: inherit; text-size-adjust: 100%;">Mrs M xxx </span></div><div><br /></div>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-35640520864070005312019-01-23T04:17:00.001-08:002022-11-12T01:06:57.828-08:00My Endo and me <div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">“End-o-mi-tri-o-sis?" What's that then!? People say.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">It is my secret companion. "My Endo." </span><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Not my friend, not welcome, </span><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">but here non-the less. </span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Invisible, silent and hidden from view. No one saw it coming, not even me</span></h4>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo piles on the pain when I’m most vulnerable, when I’m tired or run down. When I have a million things to do.</span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo changes the rules of the game at its whim.... Taking a disliking to certain foods because it can and flaring up for days on end for no explicable reason. </span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo likes to take away my enjoyment of life. Reducing this (almost) 40 year old woman to a fetal ball curled up on the sofa, with a hot water bottle strapped to her tummy unable to move.</span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo has silently spread, unwelcome and uninvited through my body like a parasite. </span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">Covering my ovaries, womb, uterus and bowels in adhesions and cysts. Coating my insides like glue. Leaving me exhausted and too tired to sleep some nights.</span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo likes to attack when I least expect it, always keeping me on my toes and ready for the next battle. It’s halting my ability to dance the night away at my best friend's wedding, and it didn’t want me to join in the family fun on Christmas Day. Instead forcing me to admit defeat and surrender into my pyjamas whilst everyone else had fun around me. </span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">You see My Endo demands my attention and doesn’t care what I have planned.</span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">My Endo taunts me to rebel. Bending my willpower and determination not to give in to its demands. But some day I have to wave the white flag of defeat, when I just can’t take the pain anymore. And so my life goes on hold until My Endo says so. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">My Endo makes intimacy with my husband hard, due to the pain it likes to inflict on me at times. And it can become a cruel master of my body. Taking away my control and freedoms.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">My Endo is unknown by most and has earned the nickname "mums tummy pain” by my kids. It’s easier that way, as most people have never even heard of Endo.</span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">So it becomes my burden to carry. But my families sadness is clear to see as they watch me in pain, frustrated that they can’t help or make this unwelcome guest leave our house. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">And now unfortunately My Endo has become hospital appointments, blood tests and surgery. Stitches, drips and hobbling to the toilet holding my stomach bandages in place. </span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">So I'm sorry My Endo, but you can't be my secret companion anymore, because people need to know about what a debilitating disease you are.</span></div>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">And sadly I can’t show you the door and get rid of my unwelcome guest. But I can keep you at bay, by facing the surgery and having the treatments to keep you better under control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">So this year, when my body is recovered enough from surgery for me to start fighting back again, I will use my new found passion for running to let people know about you, my Endo. </span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">We will pound the streets in our trainers to stamp out the misery you cause. We will fundraise for</span> better awareness of Endometriosis.</span></h4>
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">And I will use my love of writing to tell my story if I can.... as I am sure it’s the same story that many 1000's of women and girls who have suffered in silence for too long now share in common with me. And I will not be silenced by my secret anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">We are told as women not to talk about our monthly cycles. To hide our sanitary products and pop painkillers to numb the pain. It’s private and hidden, behind closed doors. But too many women suffer in silence thinking they have to put up with the pain and excessive bleeding because it’s just part of being a woman. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Well it’s not. </span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">It’s taken years of repeated visits to the GP, misdiagnosis and endless tests to get to where I am now. And that’s wrong. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">So, My Endo, I did not want you to invade my body. And quite frankly I wish you would do one! But you’re now part of me now whether I like it or not. </span><br />
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<span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit;">But you need to know that I am in control of me from now on. There may be days that you win, but I will always bounce back. I will not let you swallow me up. I will take it a day at a time. And I will enjoy the days that you are absent.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">So up yours Endo! </span><br />
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-90088738891412430912018-03-07T22:42:00.004-08:002022-11-12T01:08:52.387-08:00Sorry folks I am out of lemonade <span style="font-family: inherit;">Hi folks<br />
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I just thought I would pop on to give you all a quick update of where we're at.<br />
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</span><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CPm9aOiHJCQ/WqDbNpL1iYI/AAAAAAAAd-0/GiKBaDXHXVccQ3nl0Cj8klgfQbvAVyycQCLcBGAs/s1600/limes.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1000" height="133" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CPm9aOiHJCQ/WqDbNpL1iYI/AAAAAAAAd-0/GiKBaDXHXVccQ3nl0Cj8klgfQbvAVyycQCLcBGAs/s200/limes.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was intending my next post to be entitled 'life gives you lemons you make lemonade', but right now I'm feeling more like a squeezed out, dried up bitter old lime than a refreshing glass of lemonade... so that one will have to wait for another time I'm afraid! </span><br />
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The house is </span>silent,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and the rain is drumming against the window. Its blumin' freezing and dark </span>and I'm<span style="font-family: inherit;"> waiting for the coffee hit to kick in...it hasn't yet happened so I'm off to make myself another cup...</span><br />
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Back now.</span><br />
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So, its currently 3.30 in the morning and sleep evades me yet again. I am beginning to look like the walking dead, no amount of concealer is gonna hide these bags under my eyes. (So please excuse any typos you may spot as you read this!)</span><br />
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I am still battling on to get my son the education he is entitled to. My quest has now broadened to legal advice, </span>complaint letters<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and all things negative. I really don't like having to go down this </span>route,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> but I feel like we have been backed into a corner with no choice really. Dealing with this crap just slowly wears you down doesn't it, and </span>it's<span style="font-family: inherit;"> hard to stay positive when all you seem to face is brick walls in your way.</span><br />
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I'm not </span>sleeping,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and my mind and body now feels like a bloody washing machine stuck on a </span>never-ending<span style="font-family: inherit;"> spin cycle, which </span>won't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> be helping me feel any better about it all because I'm just so bloody tired. It really is exhausting. Every day is filled with emails flying this way and that, phone calls and therapy. And then when all that settles down and I try and sleep my mind kicks in with all the things I have yet to do, the frustration at the whole situation and the worry of how things will develop. </span><br />
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And all the while still dealing with daily life. A Teenager going through GCSE'S and the incredible stress she is under. The cooking and cleaning and ever-growing pile of laundry. A dyslexic daughter who is struggling at school and feels like she </span>won't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> ever achieve anything. Bills to pay and trying to launch a new business venture all at the same time.</span><br />
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Trying to keep focused on what I am eating because I don't want to undo all the hard </span>work,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I put in last year losing all that weight when really all I want to do is eat my weight in chocolate and crisps and hide from the world under a blanket watching Netflix.</span><br />
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We are also really lucky to have been referred to the disability social care team </span>(I<span style="font-family: inherit;"> managed to get the referral done myself ... at my own request) but even that adds </span>another<span style="font-family: inherit;"> layer of worry to my </span>saturated brain<span style="font-family: inherit;"> even though I bloody wanted it in the first place and know we need it!! Irrational stupid things like... I have to make sure the house is clean and hovered when the social worker comes, what will they think of my parenting, and there are far more people out there that need more help than we do so I don't want to waste their time.</span><br />
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Crazy isn't it the way we over think and over worry everything. </span><br />
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So right </span>now,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> folks I'm really sorry that it isn't refreshing uplifting lemonade that I'm pouring out to you all today. And the last thing you probably need is to hear me whining. </span>So,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I will shut up now. I have moaned now far too much for anyone's liking.</span><br />
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Maybe after a decent night sleep (ha ha wishful thinking) I may be able to squeeze out a few drops of the good stuff for you next time.</span><br />
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Because there is a lot of good stuff. </span><br />
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I have some amazing people that are fighting my </span>son's<span style="font-family: inherit;"> corner with me and amazing family and friends that are keeping me propped up. And my </span>son's<span style="font-family: inherit;"> mental health has improved drastically these last 7 months he has been off school. </span>So,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I have to focus on that and take each day, heck each hour as it comes! Because there is a lot to be thankful for. I will keep fighting.</span><br />
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So, I will be back soon to let you know how things are progressing, please keep your fingers and toes crossed for us all.</span><br />
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Take care folks</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
With much love</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Mrs M xx</span><br />
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<br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-45357329394752773652018-01-28T03:42:00.002-08:002022-11-12T01:09:23.646-08:00A letter to the people making the decision about my sons future....<span style="font-family: inherit;">Those of you that know our situation will know that my son has been out of school now since last summer. This is a copy of the letter I sent to the Local Authority last month a few days before a panel meeting...<br />
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-w1_p2hze_to/Wm2431S2hRI/AAAAAAAAdVA/B1_podGOcX4zIG_c3hdzpaLAH--pUUDvACLcBGAs/s1600/writing-1209121_960_720.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-w1_p2hze_to/Wm2431S2hRI/AAAAAAAAdVA/B1_podGOcX4zIG_c3hdzpaLAH--pUUDvACLcBGAs/s320/writing-1209121_960_720.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">To Whom it may concern,</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Today, my sons case is being presented
to you, the panel. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">And as procedure dictates that I can’t be there to highlight
his situation to you in person, I wanted to ensure that the personal side of
our story wasn't ignored. Because it doesn’t matter how many professional
reports are produced for you today; or how many assessments you read, you will
never truly understand the full extent of the trauma we have all faced as a
family because of my son not fitting into your education system.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">You won’t get to see the challenges my
son has had to overcome living as a child with complex anxiety, and the social
difficulties he faces due to his autism. How his anxiety affects his every waking
moment and prevents him from living his life. Crippling him to the spot and
ruling his actions and emotions.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Or how
it must have felt for him day in day out attending a </span><span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">school that didn’t understand his
needs. A school that tried to bend him to fit into their way of doing things, so
much so that he could take no more and snapped. How we all felt as we watched
on helplessly as he slid into breakdown mode and shut himself away from the world
that he could no longer trust.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">You won’t
see written in those reports the gut wrenching worry I have felt these last few
months as I have had to watch on helplessly, as my son broke in front of my
very eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it.<span style="background: yellow; margin: 0px;"></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">You see my son is 13 years old and has
already had two failed school placements. His mental health is fragile, he has
several diagnoses to contend with and he lives in a world in which he finds
confusing and unforgiving.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He has lost trust in teachers, in
people in general I think because of it all, and he has tried to shut himself
away from the world…to keep himself safe because he felt so out of control. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He struggled day in day out in a school
surrounded by people that didn’t understand him, saw his anxiety as defiance
and a problem to be fixed. He tried to tell them he wasn’t coping through his
behaviours and actions, but he was ignored. And it broke him. I can never undo
the damage that has been done.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">But despite all that, he is a young lad
who has such potential to achieve anything he wants to. He has an extraordinary
connection with animals, he is an avid reader, he whizzes through maths
questions, he has a dictionary like memory and he has a wicked sense of humour.
He deserves so much more.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="margin: 0px;"></span><span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="margin: 0px;">He can overcome his challenges and slowly
begin the trust the world again because he is the bravest person I know. He
wants to learn, he wants to live a full life and he wants to have another go. But
without a support system in place around him that truly meets his needs; accepts
him for who he is, and recognises this potential he has inside him beneath all
that anxiety, then sadly, he will fail to do so. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He is in very real danger of becoming a
mere statistic, someone that can easily be forgotten. Too complex to provide
care for so it becomes easier to label him as a school refuser and write him
off.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">But as his mother I can’t let that
happen, the right educational setting can be created for him, I know it can. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">It’s really not too much to ask!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">All he needs is a setting that truly
understands anxiety and autism. They need to be experts in the field, he has
been let down so often that he deserves this chance. He has as much right as
everyone else to succeed doesn't he?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">As his mother, I have seen how putting
him in the wrong setting not only breaks my boy in two, but it pushes our
family to the brink. I am unable to work as I must be here every day for my
son. My marriage is strained as the financial pressures take its toll, and we
live as a divided family as our two daughters need to live their own lives too
and we have to ensure that they don’t miss out on growing up.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">And none of this is reflected in the
reports you will read today, but this is our reality. We have got it wrong so
many times before for my son and I am determined, body and soul, that this will
never happen again. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">My son deserves a future, my family
deserves some support and we, as parents, deserve some recognition for knowing <span style="background-color: yellow;"></span>our son well enough
to know what is right for him.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">We have spent months agonising over
schools. Contemplating whether home schooling could be an option, or whether or
not he would even manage to access any support ever again. But I can’t give up
hope. I need to be his voice while he is unable to speak up for himself and he
needs hope that he can have a brighter future.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">My son deserves a bespoke package of
care that will address his individual needs and in which he will be surrounded
by people just like him, offering him a sense of belonging that he has never really
felt anywhere other than at home.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He needs good home school
communication, and a team of specialists and therapists on site to help him to <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>learn to manage his anxiety and mental health,
and begin to accept his differences and embrace his diagnoses. <span style="background: yellow; margin: 0px;"></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He needs a school that recognises his
potential and the importance of looking at my sons needs holistically because <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>his academic needs are just as important as
his mental health needs.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He needs a setting that works with parents
not against them. Because I am not the enemy!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">And most importantly, when we look
around a school and get that ‘feeling’… that feeling that every parent has when they look<span style="background-color: yellow;"></span> around and just know in their gut that it’s the right place for their child (autism
or not.) That feeling that all parents feel instinctively, and which we can’t
quantify in any report… well that needs to be acknowledged and listened to.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Our understanding of our son and our
expertise as his parents needs to be embraced and seen as just as important as any other recommendation you may read today. No matter whether the school is out of area, costs
more than you’re willing to pay, or is independent. If it's right for my son,
then that is all that should truly matter.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Because my decision for what is right
for my son as his mum isn't based on budget, distance, catchment area or
policies. Plainly put; it is based on what my son needs… and to me it really is that simple. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">So thank you for taking the time to
read my letter today, and I hope that if nothing else, it has given you pause
for thought and a brief insight into how it feels from our perspective during
this difficult period in my son’s life. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">I will never, ever give up hope, because my
son deserves to be happy. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">He deserves a future! </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
And<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="margin: 0px;"> just because he is autistic doesn’t
give anyone the right to simply write him off as a mere statistic or make him
feel that he can’t achieve anything that he wants to. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">I know that if we can work together on this, then anything
is possible. And that is what my son deserves right now... a chance to succeed!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Yours Sincerely </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""calibri light" , sans-serif" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Mrs M</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
</div>
A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-78267805214463872442017-11-10T10:11:00.002-08:002022-11-12T01:13:23.341-08:00This time around its different<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hi folks</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am sat here thinking what on earth am I going to write
about? I’ve been stuck in a bit of a writing funk I suppose. Not wanting to pick up
the laptop to share with you what's been happening these last few months. But today I have decided to give it a go...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Back in September the dude was too anxious to return to his school
after the long summer break. If I think about it had been coming for a long
time but inevitably when things like this happen it turns everything upside
down.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My life these last few months has completely focussed on
him. He kind of went into what can only be described as an implosion. It was scary,
and all those feelings flooded back to me where I felt out of control and short
of breath, I was constantly nauseous and felt quite alone in all this.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You see we have been on this path before and it didn’t end
well for me. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I ended up becoming ill, once he had recovered. I had held
it together for months and then once I knew he was OK, well, I could hold
on no longer. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But this time things have been different. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> I had to give up my job when it happened, this
time I had no job to lose. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> I wasn’t looking after myself. I ate all the wrong
foods and had nothing for me. This time I am in a much better place with my
health, I’ve lost weight and I started running a few months ago. So now I can put
my earphones on and leave all the crap behind as I shut the door and get out of
breath and sweaty for half an hour. My brain switches off and just for a brief
moment all that matters is the muddy puddles I am running through and my heart
pounding through my chest as I try and regulate my breathing. I wobble and its not pretty, but I don't care anymore! I do it for me and no one else.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> I felt alone, and weak. But this time I have found
some amazing professionals that are helping us to get through this. People who
finally really get my son and are as passionate as me about getting him the
support he deserves. I cannot tell you the difference it makes knowing that
someone has got your back. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> he was unable to tell us what was wrong. I had to
unpick his behaviour and be his voice. Sometimes being ignored and often
feeling like his voice held no authority as it was coming from me. And after
all I am just his mum!! But this time the dudes voice is being heard loud and
clear. We are making sure of that. His voice is the most important
at that table, even if he isn’t able to make it to the table, his voice still
needs to be heard. And with the help of some amazing people I am certain that
this will happen this time.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> I felt overwhelmed by the task at hand. This time
I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The path is bumpy and long,
but I know if we have done it before, we can definitely do it again!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last time</b> I was willing to be walked all over. I was a newbie
mum. Uncertain of how much of a battle it all would become. Unprepared for the
judgements and poking around that would happen because of the people who were meant
to be helping us not knowing what to do. So, I felt under the spotlight,
confused about whether or not my gut instincts were wrong, and I was persuaded to
do things that ended up having an adverse effect on my son. This time however I
am stronger. I still find any confrontation challenging, it drains me emotionally
and I am exhausted with it all some days. But I know the system better now. I understand
what I need to do in order to get my son the support he needs. I am less willing
to accept things at face value and recognise the strength in having a team on
your side. I don’t need to do this all on my own this time. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Because my son deserves the best. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son deserves to be happy.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son deserves to be supported by people that truly understand the difficulties
that face children like him. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son deserves future in which he can live as independently
as possible. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So right now, all my energy is focussed
on the goal of getting him better and finding a school that can meet his needs as he faces becoming a young adult with all the complications that brings.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>This is where we are at now. </span><span>This is my life...6 am emails, assessments, meetings, sleepless nights, medication and banging on doors to get answers.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SYBkzJJrLG0/WgXrNRG35kI/AAAAAAAAbs0/aRBKkcP-i2MgqRItbhwp5gtjqZZJ0wSfACLcBGAs/s1600/untitled.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SYBkzJJrLG0/WgXrNRG35kI/AAAAAAAAbs0/aRBKkcP-i2MgqRItbhwp5gtjqZZJ0wSfACLcBGAs/s320/untitled.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And you guys all deserve to know that if you are going through something
similar, you’re not alone and there is always a light at the end of the
tunnel. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I promise I will make more of an effort to start sharing my
thoughts again with you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This time around I will not give in, I will not take no for
an answer, and I will be his voice for as long as he needs me to! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mrs M x</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-67136549699710377172017-08-17T00:00:00.000-07:002017-08-17T02:18:55.835-07:00A letter to my husband<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Dear Mr
M, </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;"></span><span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So today we
celebrated 16 years of marriage and 24 years of being together. It's been a
roller coaster adventure of a ride Mr M. With highs and lows, moments of
absolute despair, and yet many more times of laughter, joy and happiness. </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">As I sit
here writing this now I can’t help but create a picture in my mind of the two
spotty teenagers that met all those years ago, so young and carefree. Back then
all we thought about was fun steamy nights, and sneaking around after curfew. Love
letters and living in the moment. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">You asked me
out whilst we were sitting on a bin sharing a bag of soggy chips, and I
was smitten! What more could a girl want.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">You were
older than me and I was so proud to strut around with you on my arm.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">We had our
whole lives mapped out ahead of us didn't we? </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">But we
quickly learnt that what we had imagined for ourselves and our kids wouldn't
come anywhere near to the reality we would face. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Because now,
well now so many things have changed.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Our lives,
like so many others parents out there is not one if I'm being completely honest
I would have chosen. Autism, Dyslexia, health care plans, doctors’ appointments,
social services, suspicions and even judgement of our ability to parent.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Not to mention
the countless assessments, tests, and years and years of fighting a system that
doesn't understand our son, just to get him the support that he's entitled to.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So let’s
face it Mr M, I am anything but young and carefree nowadays. The hair dye and
twitching eye are certainly testimony to that. I am no longer that ‘live in the
moment’ kind of girl you fell in love with. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">And I would
rather sneak into bed for some 'shut eye' if I ever got a child free
evening... never mind staying out after curfew!</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">But who am I
kidding anyway. Nights out are a thing of the past. Because if we do manage to
escape, it’s usually separately as getting a sitter that can manage our tribe is
a rare treat.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">And sadly,
we no longer stare into each other’s eyes over soggy chips (well I don't miss
the soggy chips part it has to be said). Because I am usually cooking three
different meals to accommodate the diverse food fads of our kids in this house!</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">It was
heart-breaking in the early days of our marriage watching you reach out to our
son to do the usual father son stuff; you know the football, cycling, and
sports like all your friends were doing with their sons. To then see the hidden
rejection you felt when he had a meltdown pitch side. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">I know how
hard that was for you to understand him before he had his diagnosis. I could
see the pain in your eyes as you felt so helpless to see your little boy so
anxious. But as it turns out, our children have taught us so much more than we
could have ever imagined.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Then add
into equation trying to find time for each other, work and responsibilities,
high blood pressure, teenage daughters, lack of sleep, financial
pressures, dogs, cleaning, laundry, home schooling….. I mean c’mon the list
goes on. There’s no wonder we are not the same people we once were is there?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">I don’t know
about you Mr.M, but I no longer desire the world at my feet. I would simply be
happy with a hot bath, a good book and 5 minutes peace on the loo every now and
again. Now that would be lovely.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">But
seriously, I want to grow old with you whilst we watch our kids growing up
being happy and proud of who they are, not who society tells them to be. Together
we are helping our kids to stand up for themselves, love themselves, and
hopefully they will leave us one day to fulfil their own potential (or like our
son says he will be living in a caravan in our back garden!) Whatever makes them
happy. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Despite the
stress ours is chaotic fun mad house. Our kids are happy and loved and I
wouldn't have it any other way (most of the time.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Whether they
are Dyslexic, Autistic, or a little ditsy sometimes. They are all unique and
amazing because we made them, I mean that's a miracle isn’t it. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">We made 3
perfect lives- that’s enough legacy for anyone I'd say.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">You see some
things just won’t change Mr M. Despite all the crap that has come our way these
last 24 years, I still love you with all my heart, and I am more proud than
ever to strut around with you on my arm. Because you’re a wonderful father to
our kids. I am so proud of the man my teenage first love has become.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So for now,
I hope you can settle for an exhausted wife that would rather have an early
night and a hot steamy bath, and not that youthful carefree bit of stuff you
hooked up with all those years ago?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">And like our
wedding song says “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m
64?” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Well we're
already halfway there Mr M, where have the years gone? </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So as long
as you’re not feeding me soggy chips, I’m up for the next 24 years adventures…
are you? </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Mrs M x</span></div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-50885658326944410542017-08-16T01:15:00.000-07:002017-08-17T01:15:14.385-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Week 5- 'Camhs and the anxiety monster'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_59954c4398eb83c38023720">
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( I've lost count of the days so from now on I'm on weeks.....we're currently on Week 5 <span style="background-color: yellow;"></span><b></b><strike></strike>of summer hols)<br />
<br />
So, we were at Camhs yesterday to see someone about my sons increasing anxiety, difficulties around people and general inability to function in the world around him. They asked me what anxiety was preventing him from doing and to be honest it was easier telling them what he could do which is walk the dogs in the woods and visit the field to plane spot)<br />
<br />
"Could he go shopping?" ..<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">..no<br /> "Can he access Leisure activities?" ....no<br /> "Can he visit the dr?".....no<br /> "Hairdresser?"...no<br /> "Socialise with friends?"....no<br /> "Visit family?"....no<br /> "Eat out?"....no<br /> "Interact with his sisters?".....no <br /> "Access his local community?"...no<br /> "Communicate with others ?"...no</span><br />
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What we didn't talk about too much was what he can do, and he wouldn't get out of the car, then when we did coax him out he hid in the bush at the back of the building! <br />
<br />
But in a way though, although these things can often make you come away feeling crappy as its so focused on the negatives .... I think they got to see how anxiety is ruling his every waking minute. Which I needed to make them understand in order to help him, and then hopefully we can get some support in place for us all as a family as its so hard seeing him losing himself to the anxiety monster<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fcb/1/16/1f641.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🙁</span></span><br /> Mrs M x</div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-15867127455261215722017-08-14T01:10:00.000-07:002017-08-17T01:16:11.787-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day ( 'no blumin idea anymore; CAMHS... more to follow' )Day ??<br />
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Hi folks I've been a little unwell the last few days but today was Camhs, so I dragged my dry shampooed, dosed up on painkillers butt along to the appointment 'cos there was no way I was gonna reschedule that appointment for another day! <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f52/1/16/1f648.png" width="16" /></span><br />
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<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="_5mfr _47e3">Mrs M x</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
<br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-41523216285731373062017-08-10T01:07:00.000-07:002017-08-17T01:08:17.074-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day ( lost count now?!?!) ' finding things to do'Day (lost count now ) <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f52/1/16/1f648.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🙈</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"></span></span><br />The days are beginning to blur for me I must admit <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fd0/1/16/1f602.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">😂</span></span> <br />
<br />We are currently looking after little critters for friends and family on hols so that gives him some focus. Here he is feeding his uncles tortoise ....<br />
<br />
Mrs M x<br />
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-66059561283296894402017-08-03T01:01:00.000-07:002017-08-17T01:08:50.027-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 18- 'Family holidays; our new reality'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_59954c56a08594a25248754">
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Day 18<br />
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My hubby is taking ours two teenage daughters away for a few days down to Cornwall with his family, so it's been packing and getting organised for them the last few days! I've also had a stonking hormonal headache which has made me sluggish and tired! Yuck <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f14/1/16/1f628.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">😨</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"></span></span><br />
So today I'm watching my fav Film with my daughter before they head off tomorrow and leave me and my little man for a few days to fend for ourselves! <br />
<br />
Separate holidays has become a reality for us this year! <br />
Mixed <span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">feelings about it all to be honest but I know the girls will have a lovely time with their dad...and it's important that they have some time to chill and enjoy themselves this summer too, so we now do what we need to do regardless of what others may think... That's our reality now! </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show"><br />Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">💕</span></span></span></div>
A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-77161685270032076022017-08-02T02:56:00.001-07:002017-08-17T01:01:42.584-07:00Summer holidays Diary Day 16- 'Sleep'Day 16-<br />
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It's 11pm and it's been a pretty full on rainy day here at home, we've had lots of visitors and comings and goings all day but he wouldn't come downstairs while anyone was here.<br />
<br />
I've just collapsed into bed with a brew and I'm hoping he sleeps ok tonight!<br />
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We're currently waiting to be seen by CAMHS again to assess his melatonin as puberty seems to have affected how well they are now working! <br />
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Got another two weeks yet until we get seen though <br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fbf/1/16/1f4a4.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">💤</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fbf/1/16/1f4a4.png" width="16" /></span>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-23995634918443536352017-08-02T02:53:00.000-07:002017-08-02T02:57:04.604-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 14- 'Clothes'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Day 14<br />
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My son only has one blue hoodie, one orange ape shirt and one pair of grey joggers that he's comfortable wearing (you will have seen them in each pic I take of him) but as you can imagine it's hard keeping them clean especially in the school holidays when it's all he will wear during the day, and he's also outgrowing them rapidly being 13 and growing taller every day! <br />
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So today I made the most of daddy being at home with a hangover and went shopping with my daughters leaving the boys at home. I went on the hunt for replica/ similar clothes and it's gonna be trial and error I think until we can find something he's comfortable in! So far he's not impressed with the selection I came home with today don't think I got the shades of blue and grey quite right <br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-80965399128985661982017-08-02T02:46:00.000-07:002017-08-02T02:57:56.180-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 13- ' planning ahead'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Day 13 <br />
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Trying to arrange a coffee and catch up with a friend next week and we both need to check our kids timetables and plan it in accordingly! <br />
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Made me chuckle today, nothing spontaneous in our houses over the next few weeks<br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /></span>xx<br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-60258389638449552932017-08-02T02:42:00.001-07:002017-08-02T03:01:13.525-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 12- 'at the beach'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Day 12<br />
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Hubbies off this week so we drove the remotest beach we could think of and had a wet and windy walk along the seafront today!<br />
Love the beach <br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6c/1/16/2764.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-27722271520524678362017-08-02T02:39:00.002-07:002017-08-02T03:01:25.494-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 11- 'out of his comfort zone'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_59819cfd267c03b65544373">
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Day 11<br />
<br />
Today we pushed him a little out of his comfort zone and took him to a car park roof top at the airport. It's so hard seeing him so conflicted when he really wants to do something but his anxiety about the new experience puts him off. <br />
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We have to time these things well, make sure he had a restful day the day before, ensure he's prepped for what will happen and find the hook that grabs his interest enough to make him want to do it.<br />
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He found it hard and struggled to get out of the car but eventually he could see that he was very close to the action and tolerated the other people that were there in order to get a good shot on his camera.<br />
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Now we're off to McDonald's to get him some chips and he's sat scrolling through his images one happy little lad.<br />
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Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-23199227961046597572017-07-25T11:12:00.001-07:002017-08-02T03:01:35.566-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 9- 'we all need friends'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6I_GNoj3rJc/WXeJ7pHz1GI/AAAAAAAAYrY/QHOdAzL6BH8QOcenVyuEX3AKRJ2SBUWuQCLcBGAs/s1600/summer%2Bdiary%2B9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6I_GNoj3rJc/WXeJ7pHz1GI/AAAAAAAAYrY/QHOdAzL6BH8QOcenVyuEX3AKRJ2SBUWuQCLcBGAs/s320/summer%2Bdiary%2B9.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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Day 9- <br />
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This morning it was my youngest daughters school leavers assembly, and my 19 year old niece was due to come and look after my son for an hour or so, so my hubby and I could both go to watch it together which is a rarity indeed. <br />
<br />
But unfortunately at the last minute she got called into work <span class="_47e3 _5mfr" title="frown emoticon"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fcb/1/16/1f641.png" width="16" /></span><br />
<span class="_47e3 _5mfr" title="frown emoticon"><br /></span>
So I tried various family members to see if anyone could help me out at short notice. No one could this time, and my daughter was in tears as she wanted us to both to be there as it was understandably a big deal for her. <br />
<br />
So I contacted one of my close friends (who has a busy life herself) cap in hand asking her if she could help me out this morning. I really don't like having to put on people and felt awful having to ask her, but I did beacuse i couldn't let my daughter down. <br />
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And with no hesitation at all...she said of course! <br />
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It brought a tear to my eye, and my daughter cheered with the news. <br />
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It made me realise that everyone needs help from their nearest and dearest sometimes. We can't do this alone, all of the time! <br />
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There was me feeling awful for asking her, but she often tells me that she wishes she could help more but never knows how to ....so she was actually glad I asked her and was happy to help out in any way she could. <br />
<br />
I'm very lucky to have such amazing friends and family around me that I can turn to in times like this. <br />
Lovely folks who accept the dishes in the sink and the laundry all over the kitchen table without passing judgement, just rolling up their sleeves and queitly doing the dishes for me! <br />
<br />
Offering to nip to the shops for me when my cupboards are bare and I can't get out of the house. <br />
Folks who are a little nervous of what to do with my son, but offer to have a go anyway. <br />
Folks who get my situation, don't put pressure on me when I have to cancel at the last minute or sneak off to answer my sons text message on a night out. <br />
<br />
Folks that check in with me weekly with texts letting me know that despite the fact that they don't see me often they are thinking of me and want to help however they can. <br />
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Those that haven't 'got it' never seem to last that long and drift away in the end .... That's something you learn to accept in time it just makes me more determined keep the ones that have stuck around for the ride so far! <br />
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So in the end my daughters assembly was emotional and full of tears as she prepares to move onto the next chapter of her life at high school, but I'm so thankful to my lovely friend that I was able to go to share the moment with her. <br />
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These things have a habit of teaching me lessons that I didnt always anticipate.<br />
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I need to try not to be so proud and ask for help when I really need it. No man is an island as they say! <br />
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And I must try to appreciate the lovely friends and family that I am lucky enough to have in my life, and also the online friends on this page that pass no judgement and share the same experiences making this journey feel less scary to share! <br />
<br />
So thanks you each and everyone of you, you know who you are <br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">💕</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6c/1/16/2764.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-60205783610877196622017-07-24T06:40:00.001-07:002017-08-02T03:01:51.849-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 8- 'demand avoidance'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_5975f2a3c8fa68151208479">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MJyZCH5kVLE/WXX4vIq7piI/AAAAAAAAYn0/gQtsFKLuKS0GdqP2Pbl42lxmXNNAjx00ACLcBGAs/s1600/diary%2B8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MJyZCH5kVLE/WXX4vIq7piI/AAAAAAAAYn0/gQtsFKLuKS0GdqP2Pbl42lxmXNNAjx00ACLcBGAs/s320/diary%2B8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Day 8- <br />
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We're having a demand avoidance day today. <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fa3/1/16/1f61f.png" width="16" /></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><br /></span>
Despite only having on his timetable - 'a walk in the woods with the dogs' <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f2f/1/16/1f436.png" width="16" /></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6b/1/16/1f333.png" width="16" /></span>(which you would think wasn't much of a demand at all) but all seems to be a bit too much for him today for some reason. <br />
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So, He's going nowhere today despite all our best efforts to encourage and bribe him out! We've had hour after hour of refusal and repetitive language/hyperactivity so we have given up! <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f34/1/16/1f914.png" width="16" /></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><br /></span>
This can be a contentious issue for some families I know, with parents feeling the pressure from friends and family to force their kids to do stuff. It's hard balancing the needs of the rest of the family with the needs of a demand avoidant child. It puts incredible pressure on everyone. And parents can often be judged as giving in, letting the child take control or not giving their child discipline. But believe me it's no where near that simple. So we shouldn't be quick to judge. No one has the right to pass judgement.<br />
<br />
It's something we have battled with for years now, knowing how far to push him and when to accept that he simply needs some time to reset his system.<br />
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Is it giving in? I don't think so. I have to respect his needs and understand that hidden pressures can take its toll on him and his behaviour is telling me that something is wrong. <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f14/1/16/1f628.png" width="16" /></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><br /></span>
So....I'm catching up with the mountain of laundry that's accumulating in the laundry basket! <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fec/1/16/1f455.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">👕</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6d/1/16/1f456.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">👖</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fee/1/16/1f457.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">👗</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f18/1/16/1f45a.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">👚</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"><br /></span></span>
And we will try again tomorrow after he's had a day to chill.<br />
<br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-33739024889547103302017-07-23T06:36:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:02:50.501-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 7- 'emotional rollercoaster'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_5975f2a3c985d0365332038">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qux1sYgukiU/WXX3tv3ehbI/AAAAAAAAYno/P_Rt13lH3FMqn7DA3uxTbHI_yYD1HbUNACLcBGAs/s1600/diary%2B7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qux1sYgukiU/WXX3tv3ehbI/AAAAAAAAYno/P_Rt13lH3FMqn7DA3uxTbHI_yYD1HbUNACLcBGAs/s320/diary%2B7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Day 7- <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f5c/1/16/1f5d3.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🗓</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"></span></span><br />
So it's 10am on a Sunday morning and we were up with the larks at the airport to spot an Air Malaysia ( it's a rare one apparently!) <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fb6/1/16/2708.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">✈️</span></span><br />
His usual remote spot had a lot of cars parked up so instantly he refused to even see how busy it was. <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6d/1/16/1f698.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🚘</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fec/1/16/1f697.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🚗</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fea/1/16/1f695.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🚕</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"><br /></span></span>
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So we trekked up a blumin' hill to an even remoter spot on the other side of the runway. (Luckily for me 'cos I didn't have time to shower this am)<br />
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There is a fantastic visitor centre here at Manchester Airport and all weekend they are holding a weekend of family events ( can u see the bouncy castle way off in the distance?) <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/ffb/1/16/1f3a1.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🎡</span></span> we can hear the loudspeaker way off in the distance now<br />
<br />
But despite how much he would love the exhibitions/ talks and planes on display.... here we are on the remotest part of the runway miles away from any human, which is just how he likes it!<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f92/1/16/1f6b6_200d_2642.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🚶</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"><br /></span></span>
Yesterday my husband was torturing himself saying it's such a shame our son wouldn't go to the visitor centre and it would be lovely if we could have all gone as a family. <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f1c/1/16/1f468_200d_1f469_200d_1f467_200d_1f467.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">👨👩👧👧</span></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"><br /></span></span>
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><span class="_7oe"></span></span>And he's right, I often have those twinges of 'if only!' It's only natural I think to have those emotions, of confusion and jealousy of what other families get up to...and I won't feel guilty about it or pretend that I never have these feelings . <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f34/1/16/1f914.png" width="16" /></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><br /></span>
Because It's an emotional roller coaster being an autism parent and we take the rough with the smooth everyday. <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f7c/1/16/1f3a2.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">🎢</span></span>We love our kids unconditionally for sure, but if I could make him less anxious I would in a heartbeat! <br />
<br />
So we have had to accept that for my son this is his fun! This is where he loves to be and the crowds at the event would simply cause him too much distress and anxiety, so it would have been no fun for any of us....especially him.<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f95/1/16/1f629.png" width="16" /></span><br />
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It's one of the hardest things to learn to deal with as a parent I find?! <br />
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Anyway folks, I hope that whatever you're doing today brings you as much enjoyment as standing here watching his beloved planes brings my son<br />
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And I promise as soon as I get home I'll jump in the shower <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f57/1/16/1f609.png" width="16" /></span><br />
Mrs M <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-83924743539436714712017-07-22T06:32:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:03:54.729-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 6 - 'teenagers!'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B_SWQs9h9u4/WXX20gsGzNI/AAAAAAAAYng/rI9rlkNauJkeXUkTwwBfEnPlCEBmWQwsQCLcBGAs/s1600/diary%2B6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B_SWQs9h9u4/WXX20gsGzNI/AAAAAAAAYng/rI9rlkNauJkeXUkTwwBfEnPlCEBmWQwsQCLcBGAs/s320/diary%2B6.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Day 6- <br />
<br />
He's gone out with dad who's off work today for a few hours (no surprises for guessing where<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/fb6/1/16/2708.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">✈️</span></span>) <br />
so I have used the opportunity to blitz his room, get his sleeping bags washed and drying outside on the line, and change his mattress protector which he spilt milk on last night!<br />
<br />
No one warned me how messy my house would become living with three teenagers! It's never ending pots, dirty clothes in the floor, wet towels over every surface upstairs, and wrappers that mysteriously can't seem to find their way to the bin!<br />
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Please tell me I'm not the only one living in a teenage hormone battleground <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f2e/1/16/1f633.png" width="16" /></span><br />
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<span class="_5mfr _47e3">Mrs M xx</span></div>
<br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-85823809060954282622017-07-21T06:29:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:04:22.081-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 5- 'cinema'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UC8Vao01Vrs/WXX2NvggABI/AAAAAAAAYnc/GkqfEuF_fn4Xe7SFH6DlB7L3olWNFcMRgCLcBGAs/s1600/diary%2B5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UC8Vao01Vrs/WXX2NvggABI/AAAAAAAAYnc/GkqfEuF_fn4Xe7SFH6DlB7L3olWNFcMRgCLcBGAs/s320/diary%2B5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Day 5-<br />
<br />
Today we used our Clubcard vouchers to go to the cinema. <br />
The hols can be very expensive so every little helps as they say <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f57/1/16/1f609.png" width="16" /></span><br />
It was nice and quiet (by weekend standards) but he still finds it all really hard. When we came out there were a lots of kids in the foyer and we had to make a quick exit throughout the side doors to avert a meltdown.<br />
Mrs M xx<br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-69187150877977399582017-07-20T06:26:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:04:42.543-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 4- 'survival'<br />
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Day 4- <br />
One word ......Survived <span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="24" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/ffd/1/24/1f61c.png" width="24" /></span><br />
<span class="_5mfr _47e3">Mrs M x<span class="_7oe"></span></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-3909470852045805152017-07-19T06:24:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:05:39.107-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 3- 'food'<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_5975f2b323f6a9179035935">
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Day 3- <br />
Today has been a day spent at home, he woke up with a headache and my daughter was off school poorly too. I have also been looking after my niece for the last few Wednesday's and today was her last day here at home with us. <br />
My son finds small children difficult to navigate so he tended to stay out of her way all day today preferring the safety and comfort of his room. <br />
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I assume it's the unpredictability of what little peeps will do next or say to him, the noises they make and the speed at which toddlers move around that fills him with anxiety? <br />
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Breakfast, lunch and dinner somedays for my son consists of potato with cheese which is currently his 'go to' meal. It's one of the better food fads we have had I must say ice pops and McDonald's spring to mind) and quite frankly I will go with whatever he wants just to ensure he's eating something! <br />
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So I have a well stocked freezer of quick jacket potatoes that I can throw in and cook in a few minutes, as his need for meals to be served bang on 7.30am/ 12pm/ 5pm/ and 10pm still catch me out sometimes when I have a to do list as long as my arm! ( I have actually now set myself a reminder alarm ten mins before each mealtime to remind me to get cooking!) <br />
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Mrs M x<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
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A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1029508630584488414.post-12196559735082442412017-07-18T06:20:00.000-07:002017-08-02T03:06:48.462-07:00Summer Holidays Diary Day 2- 'fun at the airport'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Day 2-<br />
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Back to the airport for us today! It was much quieter today so he was in his element! His sisters are still in school so it was just the two of us again. <br />
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It was however eventful as ever....My camping chair snapped and I forgot to put sun cream on! So I now have a red neck! <br />
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On the plus side though....I managed to do an Internet shop so my cupboards are no longer empty and I got some washing out on the line before we left the house and he was a happy chap snapping away with his camera so that's the main thing<br />
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Mrs M<span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f68/1/16/1f495.png" width="16" /><span class="_7oe">💕</span></span><span class="_5mfr _47e3"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/f6c/1/16/2764.png" width="16" /></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>A slice of Autism And a cup of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11726993509920011013noreply@blogger.com0